1. Instant Weight Loss. Yes, you WILL be the thinnest one there because water parks must give big discounts to extremely large people to come there and make everyone else feel skinny.
2. The 50 yard cleanse. Ripping down those slides feet first in your Miraclesuit will flush out all unwanted water park bacterium and other critters in your nether regions. Tip-go right before a visit to the fine china doctor.
3. Embrace your inner Redneck. Where else can a man or woman go flying around a water tube or floating on the lazy river without a huge whoop! whoop! and no one else cares. Play the mullet game–count how many little boys under age 10 have a mullet, or better yet, have a tattoo judging contest. Wow-this can keep your kids busy for hours!
4. Free babysitting. If your kids are a little older and not using swimmies, set them free for the day and pick up ’50 Shades of Grey’ and enjoy the moment.
5. Hot Young Male Lifeguards. Eye candy for the mom set. Enjoy your 4th!