She’s not Psychotic, She’s 16


It’s a daily thing now. Not knowing what I am going to get when the T-Rex in the thong and Grateful Dead t-shirt wakes up in the morning. Or should I say afternoon.

No one prepares you for teenagers. Or, shall I say FEMALE teenagers.

When I was pregnant 16 years ago, the only parenting book that was worth anything was “What to Expect when you are Expecting”. Which is a tortuous hell trip laying out every bad thing that can happen to you while you are in bump mode. So begins the psychosis-it’s just yours.

Then comes a time, when they are toddlers, and babysaurus has just had a meltdown in the cookie aisle of Publix that most of your girlfriends with teens say-Just you wait until they are teenagers. I was under the impression that by 16, with a drivers license in hand, busy high school schedule, and preparation for college I would have a ton of freedom. Less worry. Yeah, right. What was I smoking?

I was totally unprepared for the hysterical mood swings that start at 12-13 and apparently do not cease until they are 20 plus. Maybe not even then either.

Especially if they are ADD, or are a lot like their mom-ME.

One minute, I HATE SCHOOL. The next, I LOVE my friends, I can’t leave school. Then, I am SOOO FAT! Then 5 minutes later-Can you go to McDonald’s and get me a double cheeseburger? Mom, what are you so pissed about-all you care about are grades! I don’t feel good, I am going to run away, my life sucks, I wish I were dead, I hate my hair, I hate my clothes, I am an atheist now,  I want to dye my hair black….Lock her up, please.

And the universal rant we all hear : Mom, you have NO CLUE what’s like to be a teenager these days!

So, in the midst of these swings and my total gullibility, I am talked into taking her to a therapist. And dosing out anti-depressants, and lying awake at night wondering what I have done to create this psychotic human being.

Then I research Bi Polar Disorder on the internet. That was not a good idea. Because if you do, you will convince yourself that you have a BPD teenager right there in the upstairs lair just waiting to kill you in your sleep.

BPD is a real disease. It affects many people old and young. A good doctor will be able to diagnose and treat this disorder. But YOU are not a professional. Do not self-diagnose your teen. Get off Google now dammit!

The first thing I did was break my own rule: Do Not Be Afraid of your Children!  Uh, self, this includes teens, by the way.

If she had a bad morning-I was worried all day long.  I would return panicked texts.  I would believe just about all the stupid crap that was going on–mean girls, mean boys, crazy teachers, counselors giving her the side-eye, crowded hallways, etc., etc.  I bought most of that with a gold American Express card–hence my gullibility.  Suddenly it dawns on me-am I the one who is bat shit crazy or is she?

In most cases–it’s ME.  I wasn’t afraid of her, I was afraid of her moods.  An insecure parent will create an insecure child.  Guess what? I am insecure. Always have been, am working on becoming not so.  Her happiness was becoming the focus of the household. Not MINE.  We let it revolve around the moods.  Then, the teenager figures out that they are running the household and that is not good.  Unless they can pay the mortgage….

I would not want to be a teen these days for all the shoes in Nordstrom.  Yes, it is different.  In my high school days, if you wanted to bully someone you wrote it on the stall in the girls room. Today, with social media, it’s commonplace for girls to bully on Facebook and Twitter.  Recently, on Instagram, the flood of pics of teens in bathing suits, on beach vacations you were not invited to, parties you didn’t know about, showing off new cars, acrylic nails, and new clothing are just another way to brag, but in a way, they are cramming it down their throat with public pictures with hidden meanings.

So I get it.  But that doesn’t mean your daughter is crazy.  She is dealing with all that crap in a much more public way than we did.  And that is hard, really hard. And it’s hard for moms too.

Today, T Rex wakes up unhappy, in a sour mood, and sunburned from working yesterday:

T Rex:  I hate life guarding.  I’m going to get cancer from all this sun.  I want to quit.

Me:  Just tough it out a couple of more weeks until school starts.  Besides, you like the money.

T Rex:  I guess, it’s just so boring. And I’m tired, and I’m hungry.  I might give my notice.

Me:  (No comment because finally I have learned that if I get into this with her, it’s a lose-lose conversation so I keep my trap shut )

Ride in silence until I drop her off.

(1 hour later after  a small amount of worrying from me that she has given her notice I receive a text–Oh shit, she’s quit and wants me to pick her up)

T Rex:  I’m having a better day because the other lifeguard is HOT

Me:  Well thank God for that (smiley face)

T Rex:  Too bad he’s going to be a sophomore in college (crying smiley)

Me:  Older men are great! LOL

T Rex:  He’s blonde (winkey smiley)

All is right in her world, for now, in The Land of the Lost.  Nothing like a hot male blonde college sophomore to turn your day around.  Cost me a hundred bucks but it was worth it!

20 comments on “She’s not Psychotic, She’s 16

  1. awkwardpro says:

    Oh my! Teenage girls aren’t that scary! I should know, I am one! 😀

  2. kaiyasworld says:

    Yikes! Don’t tell me this. I’m dealing with a 3 year old babysaurus and hoping that things can only get better. I just laugh at people when they tell me that girls are so much easier than boys at this age.

    • awkwardpro says:

      I my personal experience, girls that are babysaurases only grow up to be T-rexes. Girls are way harder than boys because its all about how many friends you have, how pretty you are, and thousands of other factors to get respect. For boys any athlete can be accepted by the group. So, growing up with so many factors and no solid right from wrong, teen girls can often be fickle. Either be the hardass that teaches them what is right from wrong, or let them ride the wave of deciding whats important to them. It may be school, hardwork, activities, and college, or it could be friends, money, boys, and popularity. It all depends. I grew up with hardass parents whose #1 goal was for me to get into a good college so I could get a good job and be happy for the rest of my life. I’m grateful for their upbringing, even though we have had spats throughout the years.

      • Forever 51 says:

        I hear ya–I have a girlfriend who’s 9 year old was asked by a girl in her class – WHY are you wearing THAT???–future mean girl. We had always been hardasses until the hormones kicked in-but she is coming around now thank god!

  3. […] And in other news, a continuation of yesterday’s post: […]

  4. Tracy says:

    Ugh. We are dealing with girl drama already and my daughter is entering kindergarten! Last year there was a girl who decided if it was your “lucky day” and the other girls were allowed to play with you. And, they were 4 years old!!! Looks like I will need to increase my Xanax prescription…
    Tracy @

  5. obtobt says:

    This is my favorite of all your posts. I can relate like a MOTHERF*#@!*&! My now 15 year old has always been pretty tough but nothing prepared me for what the last couple years have been like. And you’re so right about the insecure parents creating insecure kids part. I had to force my kid – hard! – to stay at a 2 week sleepaway camp where she knew no one after getting daily letters about how horrible the place was/people were. (Example: “Mom, everyone here loves CATS. Enough said. Come get me!”) I actually backed out of the driveway before I realized that going to pick her up was sending the message “I don’t think you can survive hard times. You are too weak and need special treatment.” I pulled back in and then just drank heavily for the remaining week. Good times. We’re gonna make it. Right? RIGHT??!

  6. Um, durr. Apparently one of my kids was logged in when I left that comment. It’s me, Lib. 😉

  7. […] She’s not Psychotic, She’s 16 ( Rate this:Share this:MoreLike this:LikeBe the first to like this. […]

  8. […] She’s not Psychotic, She’s 16 ( Rate this:Share this:MoreLike this:LikeOne blogger likes this. […]

  9. I tried to comment on your BH post, but BH is all wonky. But comments on your site are better anyhow 🙂

    Oh. my. God. Love this post. Love it even more because we’re just at the beginning stages with our 3 girls… 14, 11 and 9. I used to smoke. I can really see it being a struggle not to do it again over the next 10+ years.

  10. […] I could bottle it and bring that home and spray it on her when she turns into T Rex then I could make […]

  11. Oh, that’s so funny. I have boys. I keep being told that I have it tough not, but moms of girls will have it tough when they’re teens. I tend to agree with them because I WAS a teen. And I was just as you describe your daughter to be. But at least she talks to you. There’s the plus!

    Came to you from #FindingTheFunny.

  12. […] She’s Not Psychotic, She’s 16 by Forever 51 – This post has me feeling relieved that I have boys. Not sure I’d have the wherewithal to have conversations like these with a teenage girl! […]

  13. Meredith says:

    I would be so scared too! My daughter’s only 1, so I think I might have a bit before this drama hits. I’m going to go dread my future and say a prayer of thanks over those poopy diapers…and I think you are doing an awesome job trying to navigate your way through this! Found you via #findingthefunny.

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