Calories Suck


THIS is an oxymoron:

Should I or shouldn’t I?

I AM sooooo tired of counting calories. Calories SUCK. They are units of energy. And I  need a lot of energy to get through my day.

Sooooooo — Today I am going to eat this damn cupcake and drink this can of poison we call Diet Coke. God created Diet Coke to get us through our days. I am tired of people going all “I am giving up diet drinks because they are unhealthy, they make you fat, blah blah blah”. Fine, just you go right ahead. Pretty soon we will be giving up everything and then starve to death because it’s FUCKING BAD FOR US!  Duh.

I have friends who are Food Nazi’s.  You know the ones-meet for lunch, order a burger and fries, and they order the small salad with dressing on the side.  All they talk about are counting calories, what is healthy for you, what is not, etc.

Well, let me tell you my observation:

All of my friends who run, go to the gym, starve themselves, and more are constantly at the chiropractor or orthopedic for broken ankles, shin splints, ruptured discs, you know–

Not fat old me! I BOUNCE! I tripped over a concrete stair in Florida last month that would have broken the kneecap of some of my skinny bitch friends. NOT ME!!!!!!! Got a bruise, and a scrape, but that fat pad on my knee worked pretty well thank you!

Now BC is all into ‘Wheat Belly’.  And you know guys, all they have to do is say they are going to lose some weight and BAM there go 5 lbs. Asshole.  We need to call it what it REALLY is– a FUPA!!

Women do not have big bellies-we have FUPA’s (Fat Upper Pussy Area).  And there are only 2 ways to change a FUPA to a FLUPA (Flat Upper Pussy Area)–Surgery and no food.  There-I have solved your problem.

Have a Diet Coke on me……


6 comments on “Calories Suck

  1. valety94 says:

    Nice post, full with true statements. Love the cupcake and the diet coke, though.

  2. I have to say, that cupcake looks amazing!

  3. Rachel says:

    I thought diet drinks were invented so we could have the cupcakes (or fries) without breaking our daily calorie allowance!

  4. Gail Moore says:

    breakfast of champions….be a champion with me!

  5. I salute you with a piece of my sons ice cream cake and a can of regular coke tonight. Long live calories.

  6. Cheers! I love Diet Coke! And cupcakes! And I hate how dudes can skip that third Oreo every once and awhile and instantly drop massive poundage. Jerkfaces. And p.s. I think you look terrific because you look SO HAPPY!! Eat on, sister!!

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