Join NOW-The Mermaid’s Cocktail Party!

18

I am here to tell you now–I am neither a Democrat or a Republican.

I am a member of THE COCKTAIL PARTY.

This fall, I am going to dread all the right and left-wing postings going on. BC is right in there as well, spouting off on his über conservative/libertarian ideas. I am pretty much an independent and ignore such drivel. It’s how we have stayed married for 24 years.

As you may have guessed, dear readers, I am all over the place. Can’t pick a side. So when I go into the voting booth in November it will be a  pleasure to pick WHOEVER THE FUCK I want to. And not tell anyone. It’s personal, dammit.

Being a member of The Cocktail Party has its perks.

  • Make sure some kind of cocktail is in your hand by 6 pm. It can be a virgin cocktail but this does not include full membership perks.
  • Members of the cocktail party have to have a perk card at their cocktail store (mine’s a 10% discount BOOM!)
  • Members of the Cocktail Party can NOT post on any social media about the current election unless it involves said candidates with a cocktail in their hands (good luck with that)
  • Members of the Cocktail Party will pledge to have at least 1 cocktail a night.
  • Members of the CP can take Sundays off if and only if they have been to a church of some sort that morning. Or puked in the bathroom all night.
  • Members of the CP must have locks on their cocktail cabinets for both toddlers and teens.
  • Members of the CP have to know how to tap a keg with one hand with a cigarette or beer in the other in under 30 seconds.  There will be a test.
  • Members of the CP must enjoy reality TV.  That does not include political reality TV.  Extra perks for membership in the Honey Boo Boo fan club.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time Mitt Romney pimps out his wife on camera.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time Michelle Obama wears a sleeveless shirt or dress on camera.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time VP Joe Biden mentions chains.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time Paul Ryan mentions his abs.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time Hilary Clinton wears a headband on camera.
  • Members must drink every time NJ Governor Christie eats a pizza.  A whole one.
  • Members must drink every time Shepherd Smith on Fox News wears makeup.
  • Members must drink every time a Republican has sex in the missionary position.
  • Members must drink every time a Democrat maxes out their credit card.

By now, you should be feeling pretty warm and fuzzy inside.  Welcome to The Mermaid’s Cocktail Party. 

Join below by commenting right down thar on my blog.

And remember, tip your waitress and call a cab.

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18 comments on “Join NOW-The Mermaid’s Cocktail Party!

  1. evil one says:

    Does it come with a complimentary stay at Betty’s Place after November 7th?

  2. But Dear Leader, how will my kids mix the drinks if I keep the booze locked up? I guess I should just give them the key like I do for the car. And I’m guessing you mean 6 p.m. EST. Crap — that’s 4 my time. Must hurry to pick up DD from second grade carpool line so she and her brother can help me make the deadline.

  3. Vicki Lucas says:

    I plege to uphold the standards of the COCKTAIL PARTY. I plege to promote the cause at every event I possibly can, swaying and influencing as well.

  4. Sue says:

    The cocktail party, I Like this idea!

  5. Leslie says:

    SIgn me up — 10 years of bartending makes me an expert on the keg tapping…bring on the test!

  6. Kim says:

    I’m in!!!

  7. I am hysterically laughing. Love this so much 🙂

  8. Kim says:

    I hereby solemnly swear to uphold every one of the Cocktail Party rules, except for one, and this I am truly sorry, I don’t do reality shows, ESPECIALLY Honey Boo Boo. The commercials alone make me angry,very angry. I do promise however to drink something MADE with honey; a large hot lemonade comes to mind.

  9. cloverhays says:

    Can I enter with Kim? I can’t do reality but I can do other truly cheesy and southern things. Hell, I promise to belt out the southern girl’s mating call each and every time I take a sip (hey, y’all, ah think ah’m drrruunnkkkk!). I also reserve the right to mutter derogative remarks about Michelle Obama’s hair. I can’t help it. Surely that can’t be taking sides? It’s 7:52 am and I am putting Southern Comfort in my coffee. That counts, right?

  10. Love, love, love your blog! But seriously, cocktail hour doesn’t start until 6pm??? I’m way ahead of that–perhaps because I am a gold card carrying CP member! And you are damn right–50 is the new 30. Thanks for sharing such a great post with a fellow blogger on the other side of the hill! http://Menopausalmother.blogspot.com Following you now via email subscription under the name marciakesterdoyle!

  11. I hereby promise, swear, cross my eyes and toes and hope to die that I will abide by the laws of the CP. I will even wear a cocktail dress….as soon as I buy one…

  12. Sorry kid your mom doesn't play well with others says:

    I love this!!! I hope my liver doesn’t fail before the end of the election…

  13. […] have started a new Political Party and ask you to join. I just can’t take a side right now and I really think we need to go back […]

  14. Lectus says:

    Hi!
    I’m following your link from The Bloggess and thought of sharing this link if you want to do a blog hop to get more followers http://onlectus.blogspot.com/2012/09/feature-and-follow-1.html

    Happy blogging!

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