Things I Don’t Miss About Having a Little Kid

8

Yes, I miss the days when 16 was a munchkin. That smile, that bowl cut, that happiness.

And now that she is a teenager, or as I call it, whine-ager, there are some things I do NOT miss about those little kiddle days:

You’d better get one of these…

1. Halloween – yep-I still decorate, but not to the over achieving style I did when she was little. And I am VERY happy that we do not get Boo’ed anymore. For those of you that have not experienced it-you receive an anonymous paper ghost on your door and a bucket of candy. Then, you have to go anonymously Boo someone else. With a new bucket of candy. And if you do NOT get Boo’ed with a little kid, and they see the neighbor doors with ghosts on them, you have to Boo yourself. Because the mean moms were not so happy about your comment at the last Bunko. . .Just like high school. Bitches…

2. Halloween Costumes. Nowadays most of the girls look like they are out of ‘tramps r us’ and all the boy costumes involve some kind of creature who kills or maims. What ever happened to that home-made ghost costume-you know, a sheet with two holes cut in it for eyes? Wow, have we really complicated this or what?

3. Santa – yep-it’s over. And I admit that was a sad moment when I found out she found out. But our encounters with the mall Santa’s were never happy. The waiting in line alone was tortuous and the questions, over and over, about how come there are so many Santa’s in malls, is this the real one? Was exhausting. And the whole hiding that shit until the big day. And waiting to make SURE she was asleep before we put together the Barbie Airplane. One Christmas Eve, we got so drunk with our neighbors we forgot to put the stuff out. Thank the good lord she is a late sleeper. And putting all that stuff out at 5 am still drunk from the nite before was awful. That was a hangover only 5 Guys, not a turkey, could cure.

4. AMF (adios muthafuckah) Room MOMs! No mom nazi’s in high school. But, there are band mom nazi’s, football mom nazi’s, cheer mom nazi’s, you get my drift. But by this time, NO is a big part of your vernacular. At least it is in mine.

5. Birthday parties–no more scrambling to find a redneck with a jumpy thing to put in your driveway all day. No THEME parties-we had a Princess Barbie party once. I hired this gal that came dressed as Princess Barbie for the 5 year olds and they loved it. So did my husband…I once went to a birthday party for a 7-year-old who got over 70 gifts.  That’s right, 70.  In a pile in her back yard.  It was gross and disgusting.  And, how do you explain that to your 7-year-old?  Nowadays, at 16 they get cars.  The only thing that I am thankful for with this bad economy is that lots of kids are driving ‘beaters’ again and are glad to have them.

Pilot Ken & Barbie ..

6. Play Dates – Thank god I had a couple of awesome girlfriends with same age kids. Never had to suffer through a blind play date. Occasionally we had a pre-school friend over-you know, the ‘Eddie Haskell’ Playdate? The one where the other kid is constantly ratting yours out to you? Teenagers do not invite THAT kid over anymore.  Because they are smart. And WANT to get away with stuff…

7. Parent-Teacher Conferences.  Yes, you do have them in high school in sometimes.  Especially if your kid is under-achieving-then it’s usually with the counselor (don’t even get me started).  In elementary and middle school, I always felt like it was ME that they were talking about.  If you took a look at both me and BC’s report cards from our school days, you would see this comment quite a bit,  “she/he spends time day dreaming and visiting with friends.  If he/she would just focus on the work, they could be such a better student.”  Yep, my kid is doomed.  She received a double dose of the ‘daydreamer’ gene from us.

8.  Extremely dehumanizing early bus times in elementary school.  Who decided that a 5-year-old catching a bus at 6:50AM for kindergarten was a good idea?  I don’t know what it’s like in your area, but after the first week, a then 5 asked me, “why do we have to do this every day?”  Ummm, she’s still asking me that same question at 16.

9. Children’s TV.  Enough said.

10.  Dismal Disney Worldwith a toddler.  You know what? Disney is much better WITHOUT the kids.  Those ads are true.

2 HOURS for 1 MINUTE – kill me now…

What do you NOT miss-let me know!

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8 comments on “Things I Don’t Miss About Having a Little Kid

  1. evil one says:

    sometimes… you just need to find a good santa and still believe another glass of wine is in order. Hell make that a bottle. Remember this.. 16 will ALWAYS be a little girl in your eyes… even when she is 36.

    feeling not so evil today. ❤

  2. Sorry kid your mom doesn't play well with others says:

    The mounds of stupid ass noisy toys, my youngest is 4 now he is fine with a soccer ball and rocks and sticks, but all that baby gear, and the light up toy bullshit- I’m over it.

  3. I missed out on adult music of the early to mid-nineties because all we listened to in the car was radio Disney. And I am so with you on the room mom thing.

  4. Lisa Vail says:

    OMG- this is too funny! A little less funny is that this post describes my life right now!

  5. lifestooshorttoplaypossum says:

    This post rocked! I am right there with ya! My Little is 11. MIDDLE SCHOOL. We too are done with parent teacher conferences, the tooth fairy (who ALWAYS forgot) and sitting on Santa’s knee. Even dying easter eggs has gone to the wayside for the past 2 yrs! Just today on twitter I said I slept in til 10:30, did some laundry, took dinner out to thaw and was going to take a nap. One comment paraphrased: We ALL hate you right now. LOL It was funny as hell. Because yes..you do right this moment as your wiping your kids poopy butt, nursing a baby with teeth or trying to convince a preschooler that it is 30 degrees and they can’t go outside in their swimsuit.
    Yup…I eat a HOT dinner every night. I sleep all night long. I can run to target without packing a diaper bag that weighs 20lbs. I can run to the corner store for milk and back in 7 minutes flat. When my kids were little it took 70 minutes just to convince them to wear shoes!!
    So…today was a slow day for me. Okay I’ll take that.
    BUT…what do I do every single Wed morning? I go have breakfast with one of my besties and her gaggle of little people…why on Wed? because that is story and craft day…who ends up helping cut spider legs or gluing eyeballs on? ME…and why? because I miss those little people my kids once were. I miss the sticky hands, the slobbery kisses and the funny shit they say. So every Wed I get my own off to school and go hang out with a bunch of 2 yr olds for a few hours. Yup, I voluntarily will hold up that L on my forhead right now and be happy that my besties kids love me, hug me, give me slobbery kisses and say things like “I wuv you Uka” (that’s what they call me it’s not even close to my name) Yeah…I’ll take it. then go home and nap.

    • Forever 51 says:

      What is weird is that now I get ‘baby fever’ more often now than when I was younger when I hold an infant or toddler…Which is why I USED to wonder when my older girlfriends were excited to be grandmoms-now I know why!
      My sister’s kids are all married or out of the house yet she still goes every day and teaches pre-school to a bunch of 4 year olds. And every day she has a funny story-I love hearing them. I love photographing toddlers and kids-which is what I do in my other life

  6. I was pooped when I got done reading this post because it reminded me of how busy I was during those years. I sure enjoyed every minute back then and now they are great memories. These days, I enjoy just standing back and watching my daughter starting her mom adventures down that same path.

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