Enter the Muffin – Hot Flash Fridays


In my family, my genetic makeup includes, among other things like heart disease, the ability to fart the alphabet, and the ‘party’ gene, the incredible MUFFIN gene.

Yay me.  Because of my heritage of Irish, Scottish and English backgrounds,( a combo of bread loving angry drunks) we are taller in stature and are carboholics.  Hence the harder than herpes to get rid of Muffin top.

And guess what makes it even harder to get rid of? You guessed it.  The CHANGE.

Even in my 20s my little situation has hung around my waistline, protecting me from making bad decisions like piercing my belly button and wearing ab-bearing shirts.  But alas, it has now parked itself for the long haul and the only way to get rid of it, it seems, is probably surgery.  Oh, and I had a C-section.  Those muscles are toast.

Menopause and peri-menopause have made it even harder to get rid of.  Over the years, going to the gym, losing weight, working out, doing a gazillion sit ups and Spanx has made parts of the muffin shrink. But not totally.  As we age, we tend to put on weight in the middle regions that some of us are successful, some not so, in getting rid of.

But not totally…

And, according to EVERYONE that is out there talking about our health-it is the number one thing that can affect your health.  In a bad way.

So, my dears, let’s DEFEAT the Muffin!

What works for me won’t work for everyone.  But I tried this experiment.

During Lent this year – yeah, I’m a Cathaholic – I went basically Atkins Phase 2.  No bread, very low carb, for 7 weeks.  After the first week or so, I found out that it wasn’t really that hard.  As long as I did not go down the Triscuit and Wheat Thins aisle at the grocery.

And I  shed, easily, without much exercise, 15 pounds.  And most of it came off the Muffin.

And Muffin was mad.

And then Muffin got happy again because I lapsed right back in to my wicked ways and succumbed to the evil Bread Witch.

And it came right back.

Carbs, even bread, turn into sugar.  Too much and your body stores this sugar. Preferably around your waistline because, you know, back in the  caveman days we needed it to survive those long cold winters and not starve to death.

That was a VERY long time ago.  Women don’t live in caves anymore.

Well, today, we eat great shit year round.  We have central heat.  So, the Muffin hangs around for the party.

Go low carb.  Anger the Muffin.

And ‘Bingo Wings’ to go with…

Lots of you are doing the Paleo diet.  Which is basically the caveman diet.  Atkins works. Wheat Belly works.  Or just watch the carbs.

And that is hard-they are in just about EVERYTHING.

So I’m going low carb again. It worked for me.

I am going to try and actually live that way for as long as I can.

I need to be around to drive my daughter crazy when she has kids. . .

Oh, and P.S. Vodka has no carbs!!!


6 comments on “Enter the Muffin – Hot Flash Fridays

  1. I was JUST talking to Hubs about my muffin this morning! Now I have more info on where to start!

  2. AMathis says:

    Yay, MAP! Some helpful tips: ALWAYS have an apple, banana, nuts, olives, cheese … something in a lunch bag to snack on in the car, so as to avoid the drive-through. I also tend to fill a to-go cup with a little left-over coffee and a lot of NF milk when I walk out the door. Water, and more water, and lemon. Unsweet iced tea. All things that make the job easier, and not work against you. I eat no bread, no rice, and don’t miss it. Lots of fish, vegetables, olive oil and coconut oil, cheese, peppers, dark chocolate, olives, etc. And you’re right … my body definitely has shifted 😦 but it would be A LOT worse if I ate differently.

  3. I highly recommend a trip to a good nutritionist to see if you can get a yeast purge. You should be able to get some supplements that will kill off the yeast in your system — often the source of a carb addiction. Then it will be MUCH easier to avoid the heroin. GET THEE BEHIND ME, MUFFIN!!!

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