Been There, Done That, Not Arrested, Yet…

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Who doesn’t have a bucket list?

Can you believe I don’t??

I was once in a class that I had to write down 100 things to do before I die.  I was about 35 at the time. At that point the only thing I could think of was to not kill my colicky infant keeping me awake all night.  But, over time, I have had the opportunity to:

  • Snorkel in Hawaii – fyi – wear a t-shirt – we got 2nd degree burns on our back
  • Attend an Olympic Games – I was even a volunteer at the ones in Atlanta
  • Work on a (mostly) naked Gay leather catalogue photo shoot AND not get arrested
  • Meet a couple of famous people
  • Be on TV (Anderson Cooper), attend the Ellen Show

    At the Ellen Show

    At the Ellen Show

  • Sneak on to the stage at the Hollywood Bowl
  • Jump – accidentally – into Maureen O’Hara’s (Mia Farrow’s mom) trash can sneaking out of a Beverly Hills house
  • Start a fight at Chastain Park while watching Kool & the Gang on my 40th birthday
  • See the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, travel Europe after college, yada yada
  • Own a German car
  • Pass out a Rolling Stone’s Concert
  • Smoke weed with the roadies at a Billy Idol Concert
  • Make out with a former PGA professional at a golf tournament in 1983
  • Sing on Stage with Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts
  • Spend New Years Eve in Times Square
  • Flash REM at a concert in 1983 – they didn’t see me…
  • Work on a Presidential campaign – he lost
  • Own a horse
  • Be broke because I owned a horse (or 3…)
  • Get boobs – well, after pregnancy
  • Vegas – what happens in Vegas…
  • Have a bar bill at my wedding that was more than the food bill
  • Go on a five-day blind date with a Beverly Hills doctor that was 4 days and 23 hours and 55 minutes too long…
  • Sell a million dollar house or 10
  • Pee in the back of an AMC Pacer in 1978
  • Zip Line on a cruise
  • Eat an entire box of HOT Krispey Kremes
  • Go to a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show in nightgowns, with rain coats, umbrellas, toast and rice. . .The_Rocky_Horror_Picture_Show
  • Go to The Varsity for lunch REALLY hung over – this perspective changes everything about those ‘walkin dogs’
  • Do the ‘walk of shame’ but that was in my 20s.  Would be fun to do it again…
  • Get Botox – I already have a big forehead. Botox makes it more prominent – yay Flipper
  • Get a mammogram and not scream
  • Go on a Napa wine tour.  In a Wines R Us tour van. Really.
  • Find out that the video cameras at the Animal Kingdom hotel at Disney are pointed to your ROOM…over the pasture. Great.
  • Be able to spell Vagina correctly. And say it. Out loud. (I grew up Catholic…)
  • Go to a Drag Show. FYI – they dress better than us, girls
  • Be a mom. And find out that you can nurse a baby, bake a cake, and negotiate a real estate contract all at the same time.
  • Become a photographer – FINALLY – and make shoe money with it
  • Become a writer – again – thank god for blogging and the people I have met there, AND the opportunities and support

So I guess this is my Already Been There Done That list and for these experiences I am thankful.  And a little shocked.  I really am a nutcase.

And yes, this is my 100th post.  I am planning on 100 more, and 100 more.  Now, if you can help me add The Amazing Race to this list – but only if they stay in luxury hotels and avoid extremely hot and humid locations….

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10 Pics From My Iphone

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Since I like lists, and since today is Monday – or, Listicle Monday, the assignment was 10 pics from your phone. Many of you know that I am a photo buff, and have done some artsy fartsy stuff as well as paid stuff like babies, kids, families, weddings. Here are my 10 fun or fave shots from my 4s from this year, some are Instagram:

This is Willie-a rescued terrorist we brought home. Weak moment at PetsMart…

Artsy fartsy shot of a barn

Fabric by @Steve McKenzie

Reflection off ballet poster at Lincoln Center

17’s horse, after a carrot. Yea bud, they needed to be peeled. Sorry dude…-

Piano Babies in a case at a Flea Market. Creepy…

Dolphin at the Atlanta Aquarium

T Shirt in St Augustine Fl that I wanted to get BC…

Cool shot of an old Chevy truck

This cracked me up-need one for my yard

In honor of Jenny Lawson – seen at a flea market – yes it IS a taxidermy cat…

OK, so it’s 11. I have taken over 500 shots on my 4s since I got it in July. Not bad. My Canon 7D thanks him.  That one really gets a work out.  I do have a photography blog but it is under re-construction.  Like I have any more time in the day to redo blogs.

Follow me in Instagram at Hellomap!

Slacker Turkey Leftovers

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In honor of my lazy woman’s turkey recipe – I now present you with Slacker Turkey Leftovers!

I really really really really HATE leftovers. BC loves them. He will eat anything in a plastic container in the fridge and GOD FORBID you toss it out after about 2 days.

That guy has ingested more bacteria and funk in the 24 years of our marriage, he HAS to be pickled inside. And he is always getting that “My stomach feels funky” thing and will not admit that maybe, just maybe, it’s the fucking leftovers!

I call them science projects.  If there is ever a Zombie Apocalypse and you need penicillin, come on over to my house.  It’s in the fridge.

The up side of this is that those nights I don’t feel like cooking, he is good with whatever surprise is in the plastic container and I eat popcorn. Or a bowl of cereal. And a glass of wine.

I also love soup. He detests it. I think he was brought up in a secret Japanese household where they slurp it at dinner because if I as much as sip my coffee or make a brothy soup and I ACCIDENTALLY slurp it, he gives me the most unbelievable side eye. If we ever divorce, it will be cause of irreconcilable slurping. I just know it.

Luckily over the years I have mastered the art of leftover cooking, and this turkey leftover concoction is one og the most EASY and delicious I make-many thanks to Big Momma for the creation.

Slacker Turkey Leftovers

Take all of your leftover turkey (or most of it), your leftover dressing, gravy and green bean casserole and place in a very large skillet. You can put it in different corners of the pan if you do not like your food to touch. Heat on medium low and stir for about an hour. You may need to add that emergency jar of gravy you have set aside the day before and maybe a box of stove top stuffing.

When heated through, serve over rice or frozen mashed potatoes, waved of course, and add a can of peas or a salad and VOILA – great day after fare.

Big Momma taught me that you always have a can of peas in the pantry.  They go with everything.  So when she leaves this world I am making sure she goes in a can of peas.

Me too…

Kitten + ADD Meds = Black Friday

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Psycho Kitten…@me

Today, the kitten took 17’s ADD medication. I think it’s his Black Friday.

6 hours later, he is still alive but is ripping around the house like a psycho cat. Oh, and he got all of 17’s homework done and applied to 10 colleges for her so it’s all good.

I don’t do Black Friday. Never have, probably never will.

The thought of camping out or standing in line for a deal on a television, cotton granny panties, or a $5 fry baby just doesn’t do it for me.

I have friends who make it a tradition to get up early (which you do not have to do anymore, you can now start the night before) go fight the crowds and then have lunch somewhere fun. Good for them. And Nordstrom’s doesn’t count…

I sleep in, have a leisurely breakfast, and do laundry. Then I make lunch and dinner out of our leftovers and continue the wine fest. This works for me.

Today I did do some thrift store shopping. As I am a thrift store whore. And my regular haunts were pretty quiet because all the dingalings were at the mall.

And what did I find?

SCORE! Dooney (l) Gucci (r) @me

A Dooney and Bourke leather bag for $4.97

A Vintage Gucci Anniversary handbag authentic (I know my shizz on this ladies) for $23

And some other fun chotchkies for around 9 bucks.

Be jealous.  Oh, I also stopped up the toilet in the Goodwill.  That was fun…

This year I am going to write about a thrift store Christmas and how you can do it too! As long as you have the patience and alcohol to tolerate these places, you will be fine.

So the thrift store whore is getting her game on.  Are you with me?

Cooking A Tucking Furkey

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Woo Hoo! Pass the Spam Y’all

Yesterday I received quite the response on my crocked out turkey. Seriously-it’s really easy.

Buy one of those boneless breasts at the grocery – they are about 4-5 pounds and are in the freezer section. Thaw out overnite if frozen.

Mid morning-place in crock pot on high with a can of orange juice or cranberry juice. You may have to add some chicken broth later especially if you make gravy from it.

At about 4 pm, I put in a bag of the already cut carrots, a small bag of the petite potatoes and an onion cut up. You can play with this by adding spices if you want.

Keep cooking on high for about 2 more hours and VOILA – you’re a tucking furkey goddess!

Now, please remember that this comes out more like a roast turkey – kinda shredded but that’s okay. If you punt and get a jar of turkey gravy to pour on it go for it!

Serves 4-6 depending on size of furkey.

Have a wonderful stress free furkey day!