Apparently, I Snore


I have been waiting for this to happen. Except it happened to me first.

The other day, 16 texted me and asked: “Are you and Dad Ok?”

And I texted back: “Huh?”

And she texted:”You know, divorce????”

I texted back literally: “WTF??”

She texted: “Dad, he slept downstairs last night. He has never done that…”

Me: “Oh, apparently I was snoring too loud for the King last night so he moved to the downstairs bed…”

Her: “OMG good. Bwahahahaha. ”

So thus begins the part of your marriage that I think you are supposed to sleep like Lucy and Ricky did in the 1950s. Separate beds.

BC (the hubs) has been snoring on and off pretty much our entire marriage, especially if he has been served too much wine, or has been on a red-eye flight. I can sleep pretty much through anything and this has never bothered me.

But in recent months, I started getting nudged awake in the middle of the night. Not for nookie, either. I also noticed that occasionally my pillow gets pulled on as well. The dogs can’t do that so I was thinking it was my beloved. Finally one night I’m like, “Geezuz-what are you doing-stop it!??”

Sarcastically BC says, “Your snoring is keeping me awake.”

Well, SOOOOORRRYYYYYYY dude, no body is perfect.

You see, with the onset of the Change, snoring has become all too frequent.  And you can bet I can cut some serious logs if I’ve had too much wine or have eaten a big dinner.  Between the sweats, the snoring, the drooling and the tossing and turning at night, I know I have become one sexy beast.

What I have found that helps this is exercise.  A little walk or a set or two of tennis will tame the snore beast.  Losing weight helps too.

I have tried Breathe Right nasal strips.  I wish that I’d have invented those.  What a crock–and they are  serious birth control as well.  Not that I need that…

But, to BC, it’s just one more part of that silly ‘for better or for worse’ thing he signed up for.

Off to have that Lean Cuisine.  JUST KIDDING!


15 comments on “Apparently, I Snore

  1. rebecca2000 says:

    LOL well those balls can get in the way. Since our balls are too big to fit between our legs and moved up to our chest…snoring can occur. That’s okay, having the entire bed to yourself while he is on a tiny couch..sound like I NEED to start snoring.

  2. cloverhays says:

    Omg, I’m right there with you! The Goose says I’ve been snoring for a month ever since I used the blower in the barn. It’s a terrible thing. I even wake up myself.

  3. Gail Moore says:

    Get a C Pap machine…stops the snoring. But not sexy at all

  4. My Mr. Wonderful snored like a lumberjack for years before he would acknowledge it. Total and complete denial. Refused to do anything about it, because it wasn’t happening. Now that it’s (*ahem*) “my turn” I figure I have a couple of years before it should become an issue, right?

  5. ROFL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Gasping laughing over “sexy beast”!

  6. Cari Lorine says:

    I laughed out loud at this post! I just became one of your newest loyal readers! Great post! Keep em coming! 🙂

  7. jnine0712 says:

    Ok, you got me as a follower too and thank you for the laugh here tonight 🙂 🙂

  8. clarkscottroger says:

    Welcome to the group, though newly joined (in the group), I found myself saying, (between guffaws)…”‘damn!’ this is funny shit”
    If I may, as a long-time sleep disruptor, I recommend adding to your repertoire,lest anyone get used to the sound of nose trumpets.
    I favor the ‘stop-breathing-for-30-seconds-for-no-reason-in-the-middle-of-the-night’ that’ll keep the sleep-dulled attention focused.
    Really enjoyed the Post.

    • Forever 51 says:

      My better half does that-then I panic and give him a punch in the backside to get him breathing again-will wait till the daughter is out of the house to stop doing that and risk death LOL

  9. My T.H. doesn’t think he snores because he can’t hear himself. If he doesn’t hear it …. it doesn’t exist.

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