Military uniforms make our clothes fall off.
I firmly believe that man’s great est weapon to conquer the female is the military uniform. Once a man dons that garment, all of our rational thoughts fly right out the window and we become stupid, giddy, sweaty, and compliant. We just want to rip his clothes off, jump his bones and claim him like a prized trophy.
Which, if you are a guy, and lonely, I would suggest signing up for the reserves. You get a uniform and you will get a girl. And if you become an officer even better. And are head of the CIA or on the Joint Chiefs of Staff – JACKPOT!
In what other life does a skinny, pointy nosed army dude get a girl like that? Okay ,she went to West Point. I get it. That’s lots of uniforms. Every day. In college.
Be still my heart.
When I met BC (the hubs) he was just out of the Air Force and recently employed by a major airline. We met on a blind date. Initially, I was not too jazzed about this date because I have cousins who are Navy pilots. When one of them came to visit me on leave during my single days, I practically had to have him hauled off to jail to get him to leave. He drank all my booze and hit on every one of my girlfriends. He was like a caged animal freed by PETA.
So the thought of going out on a DATE with a former military pilot was giving me major doubts about my evening. I even dragged along a girlfriend as a way out if he turned out to be a douche (we didn’t have texting then-dark ages, you know..). At 4am he brought me back to my apartment. I got drunk, told dirty jokes, and smoked cigarettes. We were engaged 4 months later.
Remember, Top Gun had just come out. We still thought Tom Cruise was HOT and SANE. And BC had a recorded VHS tape of him flying a military jet with a buddy and all the fun, daring moves they made in that jet. Sealed the deal. No more med students, no more law students, no more stockbrokers. I had me a MILITARY MAN !
About 10 minutes into that video I was toast. In my case, I married one of the most ethical men I could ever meet. Break a rule? Are you serious? Once when we were first married we were grocery shopping and in the cart was a bag of pretzels. So me, being hungry, opened it right then and there and grabbed a handful. I thought we was going to have a stroke.
BC: WHAT are you DOING?
ME: Eating pretzels, why?
BC: But we haven’t PAID for them yet!
Me: But we WILL, duh…..
We had to check out then and there. God forbid I shoot through a yellow light when he is in the car.
And I have lowered my traditional southern college educated woman values by accepting polyester. And his clip on tie. But it’s a uniform.
His flight suit is still in the closet. So is his helmet and air mask. Oh, and his airline uniform.
Works every time.