In reality, the whole turkey thing can be stressful and expensive.
You cook ALL DAY long and then it’s GONE in 20 minutes!
How anticlimactic is that? Then you spend one HOUR washing all the freekin dishes.
So, I am going to give you my version of my Lazy White Trash Thanksgiving Meal.
You can totally subvert this and call your local grocer and they will do it all for you. Mine will do it for a mere $59 bucks. Order by Tuesday nite! You get a small turkey, cornbread stuffing, green beans and mashed potatoes in not-so-big containers. Family of 4 max, with eating disorders, like anorexia.
OR, you can do it for so much less than that and follow this plan:
Step 1: Sleep in Thursday morning. Eat bowl of Trix, drink coffee and turn on the Parade. Be thankful you are not freezing your ass off in Manhattan at a parade, with snot nosed children, behind the really obnoxious large family in the ‘I’m with Stupid’ sweatshirts, and staying in an overpriced hotel room.
Step 2: Take boneless turkey breast you bought the day before for 9 bucks and thawed overnight and put it in a Crock Pot with one can of orange juice, cranberry juice or beer. Your choice! Cook on high if it’s after 11, which it probably is by now.
Step 3: Watch Bravo Marathons all afternoon eating chips and Deans French Onion Dip. Great Appetizer! Get out box of Franzia wine.
Step 4: At about 4 pm, toss in those little carrot thingies, couple of small onions and potatoes cut up. Get out your can of green beans, jar of turkey gravy, box of Stove Top Stuffing and canned cranberry sauce. Also your store made pumpkin pie and don’t forget to thaw that cool whip! If you are a mashed potato person, get that baby in the microwave.
Step 5: Yell at hubs and kids to come on down and eat. Get out the Chinet. It is, after all, Thanksgiving.
Step 6: Enjoy . Return to couch, stick hand in front of your pants or unbutton top button and return to your marathon, or ball game.
Cost?? I bought all items at Target today and my cost was $24.64 At the last-minute I added dinner rolls for $1.89
Time?? Waiting on Crock Pot 4-6 hours
Labor?? Opening cans, opening bags and cutting potatoes and onions, and making hung over teenagers clean up (which is basically tossing all in trash bag).
Savings?? Over HALF Bitches!
Sit back, relax, crank the sound on your TV when The Sound of Music comes on Thursday night. You deserve it…