Hot Flash Fridays – CRS Disease

Photos: LOLZ

Photos: LOLZ

In the last week or so, the media, including the talking heads on the major networks, have been reporting that SCIENTISTS have found that there are MEMORY problems during MENOPAUSE.

Oh Really?????????? You think so????????

Duh, Dudes. It is called CRS Disease. And it hits men and women right about the time that they start buying the 3-pack of readers at Costco.

What is CRS Disease? It’s the abbreviation of the scientific term of Can’t Remember Shit Disease.

First, it appears briefly around the time you have your first child.

The onset of this condition at that time starts with simple symptoms like leaving your toddler in the car seat on top of the car in the Target parking lot. And then getting in and starting your car and driving away. With Junior in the new convertible option.

CRS appears briefly after pregnancy and delivery. New Moms and Dads walk around in what is called the Fog of Pregnancy. Women especially. The subsequent hormone dump after delivery causes much of this as well as the lack of sleep. Dads do to a milder degree. Which is why I won’t even get in to that discussion…

Us girls get a double whammy as Menopause approaches.  I call this MenoFog.  This is the Fog of The 10 Year or So Estrogen Dump Going On In Your Body During Midlife. This version of CRS Disease begins with the onset of these symptoms:

  • Going to brew a cup of coffee and ending up at Nordstrom buying shoes
  • TRYING to shop for a bra at the Victoria’s Secret annual sale. Like they have the triple sag option
  • Deciding to take on a new hobby, a new cat, a new puppy, adopt from China, open a gift shop-one that sells crystals…
  • Forgetting to set your clocks on the correct time after a spring forward fall back, and not caring
  • You started to make your bed, then the next thing it’s dinner time, you’ve been in the yard all day and your bed is still not made
  • Your smart phone keeps buzzing you with notifications that you didn’t remember putting in it
  • Enjoying your FREE subscription to the AARP magazine
  • Joining the AARP online dating site
  • Wearing elastic waist ANYTHING
  • Shopping for comfy flat soled shoes
  • You have purchased 55 types of wrinkle creams at Walmart thinking your were out of the one at home. And, oooohhh, it has a pretty box, oh look! Plants!
  • Forgetting your in-law’s birthdays
  • You start creeping on people on Facebook and the next thing you know you’ve ordered pajama jeans from Amazon
  • You start using one of those 7 day plastic pill holder thingies
  • You’ve been prescribed Xanax

As women, we go through both of these CRS fogs at one time or another. And if you will notice, both appear when that mean old Estrogen Fairy decides to fuck with our levels of hormones.

I am wondering how much money has been spent on these studies.  CRS has been around for centuries.

All that money could be going to rescuing more cats, and Me at Walmart in the beauty section.

See you next week!


17 comments on “Hot Flash Fridays – CRS Disease

  1. Bren says:

    OMG! I’m soooo tempted to order those pajama jeans! Matter of fact, I keep seeing them at Rite Aid too! hehehe Girl! You are too much! Thanks for the giggles!

  2. Kim Jordan says:

    You certainly nailed it!! My smart phone buzzes all the time..I don’t know how to make it stop! I love my yoga pants and I DO NOT CARE how my ass looks in them or if they go with my flats!

  3. cloverhays says:

    I have just turned my horrible forgetfulness into a cute, dotty, maternal schtick for my family. I have tried to make it endearing without them finding out that I really can’t remember anything, see anything or do anything anymore. I have to work hard to keep it separate from “wino haze”, which causes them to ridicule me. Really, they’re probably the same thing.

  4. Julie DeNeen says:

    Your ability to make up words and names is hysterical! You and your GPN or whatever it was on my blog..menofog? CRS? You kill me.

  5. Gail Moore says:

    OMG Kathleen is texting! I feel for you. Thank god my mother can’t even work her cell phone.

  6. Ellen Dolgen says:

    Laughed and laughed and still laughing!

  7. I can’t remember what I was just going to write to you. This was fing funny.

  8. […] to ADD, ADOS, OLABS, or Brain Fog, I believe it’s good for the soul. Check out this humorous blog post from another midlifer about her experience with CRS Disease.[A couple of PG-13 words, but funny, […]

  9. I also left my son in his “love bucket” on the roof of my car at the mall. Luckily, before I put the car in gear, I remembered what I had forgotten. Great blog!

  10. ttoombs08 says:

    I have SO much to look forward to in 5 years…yay! Maybe I’ll get lucky and they’ll find a cure. Oh yeah, I was looking for the blog on pajama jeans and some how ended up here…wth?!

  11. Not quite sure how I got here, but now I want pajama jeans. WTH???

    Great post!


  12. truly laughed out loud! Uh oh…. I think I just peed myself!

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