In the last week or so, the media, including the talking heads on the major networks, have been reporting that SCIENTISTS have found that there are MEMORY problems during MENOPAUSE.
Oh Really?????????? You think so????????
Duh, Dudes. It is called CRS Disease. And it hits men and women right about the time that they start buying the 3-pack of readers at Costco.
What is CRS Disease? It’s the abbreviation of the scientific term of Can’t Remember Shit Disease.
First, it appears briefly around the time you have your first child.
The onset of this condition at that time starts with simple symptoms like leaving your toddler in the car seat on top of the car in the Target parking lot. And then getting in and starting your car and driving away. With Junior in the new convertible option.
CRS appears briefly after pregnancy and delivery. New Moms and Dads walk around in what is called the Fog of Pregnancy. Women especially. The subsequent hormone dump after delivery causes much of this as well as the lack of sleep. Dads do to a milder degree. Which is why I won’t even get in to that discussion…
Us girls get a double whammy as Menopause approaches. I call this MenoFog. This is the Fog of The 10 Year or So Estrogen Dump Going On In Your Body During Midlife. This version of CRS Disease begins with the onset of these symptoms:
- Going to brew a cup of coffee and ending up at Nordstrom buying shoes
- TRYING to shop for a bra at the Victoria’s Secret annual sale. Like they have the triple sag option
- Deciding to take on a new hobby, a new cat, a new puppy, adopt from China, open a gift shop-one that sells crystals…
- Forgetting to set your clocks on the correct time after a spring forward fall back, and not caring
- You started to make your bed, then the next thing it’s dinner time, you’ve been in the yard all day and your bed is still not made
- Your smart phone keeps buzzing you with notifications that you didn’t remember putting in it
- Enjoying your FREE subscription to the AARP magazine
- Joining the AARP online dating site
- Wearing elastic waist ANYTHING
- Shopping for comfy flat soled shoes
- You have purchased 55 types of wrinkle creams at Walmart thinking your were out of the one at home. And, oooohhh, it has a pretty box, oh look! Plants!
- Forgetting your in-law’s birthdays
- You start creeping on people on Facebook and the next thing you know you’ve ordered pajama jeans from Amazon
- You start using one of those 7 day plastic pill holder thingies
- You’ve been prescribed Xanax
As women, we go through both of these CRS fogs at one time or another. And if you will notice, both appear when that mean old Estrogen Fairy decides to fuck with our levels of hormones.
I am wondering how much money has been spent on these studies. CRS has been around for centuries.
All that money could be going to rescuing more cats, and Me at Walmart in the beauty section.
See you next week!