The Mermaid Is Moving!

Checkout my new site at http://4ever51.com !

All of my old stuff is there-and all of my new stuff!

This site will be changing shortly! Who knows what the Mermaid has in store…..

This cracked me up-need one for my yard

This cracked me up-need one for my yard

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Honey Boo Boo-Translated for Non-Rednecks

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You could swing a dead cat and not hit anyone around here that does not secretly like the Boo.

Come on people-you are recording Downton Abby and watching June and crew.  I’ll keep your dirty little secret, promise….

Us Southerners have a penchant for expressions that few understand. But when that AHA moment comes, OUR expressions are the funniest in the world…

Many of you need translation on phrases or words brought forth upon us from this TV show. Born in North Florida, and raised mostly in Georgia, I am here to help.  I come from a long line of rednecks in the deepest part of South Georgia. Y’all…

Herewith are some of my favorite expressions from June and them, with a few of my own sprinkled in:

Forklift Foot:  June had a forklift run over her toe at work one time and it never recovered. It is huge and gross. Therefore she calls it Forklift Foot. In the South, when you have a mangled body part, you name it. Like tater ear, rosey nose, stumpy…

Frito Feet:  How forklift feet smell. This is true. They do smell like Fritos. junebiscuit

Biscuit:  In Boo vernacular, this is their word for vagina. And there are way too many words out there that everyone has to call it other than the correct biological term. My Southern friends have called this Cooter, FiFi, and Virginia. Yes, Cooter is also a proud nickname in the South (Dukes of Hazzard, anyone?). And Yes,they KNOW what it means to nickname someone Cooter. Seriously.

Vajiggle Jaggle: Also used for the lower regions of a woman’s body, especially if overweight

Pregnatist:  Boo’s sister Chickadee. Really pregnant. Really really pregnant. And 17. Kind of like the Exorcist….well, the baby does have 2 thumbs….

Sketti:  Spaghetti. Which they eat with butter and ketchup. We’ve always called it PISSketti in my house. Same thing

Ooo’d: Taking a dump. As when Glitzy, the pig did it on their kitchen table in an episode. I personally like ‘dropping the kids off at the pool’…..fart-honey-boo-boo

Beautimous:  Gorgeous. This is a true word used here in the South for decades. June and them use ‘mous at the end of just about every word.

Smexy:  Loving term June uses for Sugar Bear dressed as Santa. Especially with that wad of chew in his bottom lip.

Sweatin Like A Whore In Church: one of my all time faves-been around a while-guilty is as guilty does- or any one of the women on any Bravo show

Go Go Juice: Mountain Dew and Red Bull. In most parts ’round here we call that a heart attack

It Is What It Is: June uses this phrase quite a bit. And she’s not even on Prozac from what I can tell

Finagly: As June says, ‘I’m not all about them big FINAGLY words.’  Which is probably words with more than four letters

Bam Bam Look: Wandering around in public without shoes on. Pebbles would be proudHoney+boo+boo_15b40d_4167527

You may love ’em or hate’em. But looks like they are here to stay. Redneckonize THIS people!

Well, press my watch, I gotta go drop some kids off at the pool…

The Soundtrack of My (Love) Life

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Recently, a writer friend of mine posted an article on Huffington Post 50 about the soundtrack to her life. This got me thinking, which is not always a good thing…

Anyhoo..

My life soundtrack would be ALL over the place. I love everything from Hip Hop to Classical. After listening to the local rock station in my car this weekend, and hearing a couple of key songs that would go in that list, I decided to share the soundtrack (or in this case, albums) that I would put together that would best describe my LOVE life from the dark ages of the 1970’s on. So, here goes…

In high school, I didn’t have a boyfriend. Oh, in my mind I was dating one or two of the cutest boys in my town. One would cut through my yard every day on his way home from school and, pathetically, hoping he would hear HIS favorite music, I would blare Bachman Turner Overdrive from my parent’s stereo. My scenario was that he would stop in, listen to the tunes, then fall madly in love with me. Alas, this did not happen. I think he married an Asian woman after college and ended up on the west coast studying rocks. Seriously. Whew–close call.220px-Bachman-Turner_Overdrive_-_Not_Fragile

I ended up at a woman’s college in the South and the preppy movement was in full swing. My freshman year I was going out and enjoying frat parties, but had not found love.  That is, until the summer of my freshman year, and BACK in New Jersey, I met the first real boyfriend I ever had. And every time I hear Jim Morrison, the Grateful Dead, or Rush, I’m swept back to those days of haze, fun, and talking on the hall phone in the dorm at all hours of the night. And sneaking up to the University of Delaware, on a train with a box of Krispy Kremes without my parents knowing, to the anti-prep that I was in love with.220px-The_Doors_-_L.A._Woman

220px-Rush_Permanent_Waves

Big breakup ensued my Junior year and I traded the New Jersey guy for the ultimate frat party boy at the nearby college. Fraternity proms, parties, ball games and a Pontiac Firebird came with new boyfriend. And it didn’t last too long. But that was fine, I was firmly entrenched in the wildest group of party/frat guys and girls at my college. It was worth it. Until he found another girlfriend with the same first name. Awkward…….

Anyone who went to a southeastern school in the late 70’s early 80s, knew that listening to Beach Music was the big thing. Dancing the Shag, drinking copious amounts of hunch punch and being on the arm of one of the wild guys at the ACC/SEC ball games was the ultimate in street cred. And singing on stage with Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts. Pure, unadulterated fun.


I was happily employed after school at the local Top 40 FM radio station when I met frat/party/grad student/wanna be Virginia boy at a party. This guy could dance. And spend money. And he wore bow ties. I should have known. NEVER date a bow tie dude if you know what’s good for yourself. 3 years wasted trying to get a commitment out of a guy who cared more about his social status in Richmond than finding a real job…or settling down. I think he’s an eBay Power Seller now…..

These guys will make you crazy, later on...

The Bible at most Southeastern Colleges in the early 80s

I know ALL the words....

I know ALL the words….

Single life in Atlanta in the mid eighties was bliss. I finally hit my stride and enjoyed being single. Then I was set up on a blind date with who is now BC. I was excited when I went to his apartment and saw the singularly most impressive audio set up of any guy I had dated. All the bells and whistles, the latest electronics and Bose 901’s to add to the picture. Anyone who personally OWNED Bose 901’s at that time was either a true audiophile, rich, liked loud music or all of the above. I was in heaven. Then I looked at his album collection. Uh, all 10 of them, beginning with this:220px-The_Best_of_Bread

I had some work to do.

Smart man, he married into a huge collection, which I still have, of some the best rock and pop albums of the 70s and 80s. I even had an autographed Billy Joel cover, including an original Cold Spring Harbor (his first), original Beatles White Album, Bob Marley, Led Zeppelin and Bruce. What more can you ask for?

It is 2013. Those 901’s are at the top of my bookshelves in my fancy great room. There is not enough fake ivy on this planet that will hide those. Sigh…..

Like I said, my love life can be defined by the albums I have. Still have. I look at them and have such find memories of the Jersey Shore, dancing all night with my fun guy at the frat house party, going to see Springsteen with a cute guy, and even marrying the album-impaired man in my home 25 years ago.

I wonder what our kid’s soundtracks are going to be. Trapped in iTunes forever, sadly, they will never know the new smell and crispness of the latest album, using a un-folded album cover to clean their weed, or reading all of the liner notes on the inside and the back of these now collectibles.  I’m getting out my hanky now…

So, what’s the soundtrack to YOUR love life?

WTF Wednesdays-What’s In YOUR House?

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We are reluctant to reveal dark secrets in families, but I have found that once you get it out there, and release it to the world, you feel much better…

Here is ours

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The above ‘designer accessory’ is on the shelf in the man cave. Fights have ensued before on where to feature these guys, bought in Mexico by a drunk young pilot on an off weekend from the base.

So my answer to this designer accent is this:

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I think she would look great in pearls and a ball gown.

And one day, when I win the lottery, I think I can get a buddy of mine to sell me this:

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As you can see, when you get in midlife, you certainly aren’t trying to impress your friends and neighbors anymore. You are just trying to stay one step ahead of the Department of Natural Resources.

And PETA…

Social Media – We are Behaving Just Fine TYVM! And Loving it…

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There’ve been quite a few  articles out there lately on adults and social media-primarily Facebook and Twitter and how to behave on these sites. Saying we are using acronyms like teens (WTF, LOL, ROTFL), no longer communicating in a personal way with others only broadcasting, and more.  And as many of you know, behaving on social media can be the difference between a job or no job, losing or gaining a friend, pissing your family off,  and more.
So being the ‘expert’ social media consumer that I am, I’m here to clarify how those of us of a ‘certain age’ are using social media, and embracing it, and yes, behaving on it just fine. LOL

FACEBOOK

One of my many profile pics with weird people, in another country...

One of my many profile pics with weird people, in another country…

The mack daddy of all SM sites, we have effectively kicked the teens and most of the younger adults off this platform because we have found it has become a great way to reconnect with old friends from our past lives, high school, college and more. Remember when a neighbor would invite you over to share the slides of their latest trip, birth of their child and more? Remember the letters we got at Christmas full of over-achieving children, luxury trips and job promotions?

Not any more. It’s all on Facebook. And that’s a good thing because now you don’t have to suffer through those dreadful slide shows or compliment IRL (in real life) how adorable that little grandchild is, who is actually a dead ringer for Uncle Fester from the Addams family. In fact, you can go over to their page and like the photo without barely even looking at it!  It’s all happy world to most of these people. Some of us have our mid-life crises on Facebook. Don’t do that. Go buy a sports car like the old days. Because, honestly we really don’t want to be reminded that we too, are in mid life…

As long as Facebook doesn’t mess with our photo albums it will be great. Or track how we stalk. But like Facebook, I am tired of the links, people. Get creative, tell a story, put a photo of your little Uncle Fester at 3 months old. Ditch the ecards and the political links. The shameless self promotion and the multi-level marketing opportunities.  Transparency on Facebook is a real thing, and it is all about relationships, not sales. And as I am sure most of my other FB peeps would agree, I am here for the fun, not lectures.  Just sayin…

Follow me on Facebook

TWITTER

twitter_bird_follow_me
There is quite the learning curve to this fun service and the best part about it-your friends get ONLY 140 characters to do their bragging, whining, self hatred, etc. Well, unless they link to Uncle Fester photos. But twitter has much more humor and yet is intimidating to most folks. Once you get in a groove with it, some of your best laughs will come from it and you can be so much more anonymous on it. I can promise you your mother will not stalk you on Twitter but she is becoming a pro at Facebook.

And getting followers. This is the social cred on Twitter.  Over  a certain amount, like a gazillion, and you get a purty blue check by your name. I have over 700, grown organically. There are some serious creeps in the twitterverse and you can go in your settings and block the porn bots.

Like in the first couple of months I was on Twitter. Whoo hoo-I got a new follower! Yay me! Now, to go look at Brittney’s profile…Let’s see, hmmmm, what’s that a photo of, let me just blow that up here on my pho….GAAAAAAH! That’s not her FACE!

Thank God for the block option.

We are tweeting the #Bachelor on Monday nights and the #Bachelordrinkinggame . Yes, I know how to party.
Oh, and we have also run the teens off this service as well. We are doing our job.

Follow me on Twitter

PINTEREST

What to do with all of those leftover corks...

What to do with all of those leftover corks…

Think online bulletin board.

And primarily women use this platform.

It takes a little getting used to but after your create your boards like Food, Fun, Family, Homes, LOLCats, and more you will be able to save and revisit these later. Young women pin fabulous size 2 fashions, tattoos, art, photography, dream weddings they could never afford, shoes, organization and more.
Our generation is pinning food, food and more food, crock pot recipes, diet tricks, knitting patterns, and sewing projects. And pictures of Channing Tatum and Johnny Depp. It’s not called electronic hoarding for nothing. And there is a guilt factor involved. I will not be able to live long enough to do all of the projects I have pinned on my boards. I do, however, make the crock recipes and Nutella brownie bites.

Oh, and Pinterest is NOT good for your waistline…

Join me on Pinterest

STUMBLE UPON

Try this. Go to Stumble Upon and put desserts in the search box. See you next year…

No, really, what this service does is seek out for you what you are looking for on the web. This is called an ‘aggregator’ site. You give them terms and it will primarily find you blogs and articles and photos about your subject. Google will bring you everything, including Brittney…Stumble Upon is a bit more specific. And you just click the reset button and up come the latest finds in your search. Like I said, talk to you next week.

REDDITT

Truthfully, we are not the demographic for Redditt and that’s fine with me. It is a weird site that people submit content to, primarily photos, gifs (moving photos) and more and people comment on it. Their largest user group is male 18-30. Some weird stuff here. Take it or leave it. Oh, and this is where the teens, like ants, have scurried to. Everything is in categories called  sub-redditts. And most of those are strange. So if you are looking for alien conspiracy theories, this is the site for you.  Someone started a Menopause subreddit and there are 12 members so far. Crickets….

WordPress, Blogger, Tumblrhipster

These are blogging platforms. And are primarily free until you start using them and figure out that you can make some money with them. If you have something to say, and you have more than 140 characters or more than a paragraph these are good vehicles for you. Yes, you do meet  people through these sites. For writers and photographers, in particular, they are wonderful. You can push your message out through these sites and they hook up with other SM sites and before you know it you are all over the place. Mommy bloggers have taken over these services with a vengeance. Us 45 plus’ers are bringing up the rear in a big way.

Tumblr is more of a micro platform for blogging-it is less flexible with add-ons than WP and Blogger, but is a huge hit with angst-filled teenagers who want followers. Lots of poetry here, photos and some disturbing thoughts. If you have a teen girl-they are probably on tumblr-and emoting about their life. Parents, check this site out…just saying….
Talking about sex after 50 and menopause issues is not kosher on most of the above sites. But do it here on a blogging platform and the next thing you know you are reviewing maxi-pads for a large company. I even have blogging friends that review vibrators. Seriously. They send you one for FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And how come I have not been contacted to do that?????

Marketers better get a handle on who is out there and who is speaking on these platforms. They are not just for kids anymore…