Social Media – We are Behaving Just Fine TYVM! And Loving it…

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There’ve been quite a few  articles out there lately on adults and social media-primarily Facebook and Twitter and how to behave on these sites. Saying we are using acronyms like teens (WTF, LOL, ROTFL), no longer communicating in a personal way with others only broadcasting, and more.  And as many of you know, behaving on social media can be the difference between a job or no job, losing or gaining a friend, pissing your family off,  and more.
So being the ‘expert’ social media consumer that I am, I’m here to clarify how those of us of a ‘certain age’ are using social media, and embracing it, and yes, behaving on it just fine. LOL

FACEBOOK

One of my many profile pics with weird people, in another country...

One of my many profile pics with weird people, in another country…

The mack daddy of all SM sites, we have effectively kicked the teens and most of the younger adults off this platform because we have found it has become a great way to reconnect with old friends from our past lives, high school, college and more. Remember when a neighbor would invite you over to share the slides of their latest trip, birth of their child and more? Remember the letters we got at Christmas full of over-achieving children, luxury trips and job promotions?

Not any more. It’s all on Facebook. And that’s a good thing because now you don’t have to suffer through those dreadful slide shows or compliment IRL (in real life) how adorable that little grandchild is, who is actually a dead ringer for Uncle Fester from the Addams family. In fact, you can go over to their page and like the photo without barely even looking at it!  It’s all happy world to most of these people. Some of us have our mid-life crises on Facebook. Don’t do that. Go buy a sports car like the old days. Because, honestly we really don’t want to be reminded that we too, are in mid life…

As long as Facebook doesn’t mess with our photo albums it will be great. Or track how we stalk. But like Facebook, I am tired of the links, people. Get creative, tell a story, put a photo of your little Uncle Fester at 3 months old. Ditch the ecards and the political links. The shameless self promotion and the multi-level marketing opportunities.  Transparency on Facebook is a real thing, and it is all about relationships, not sales. And as I am sure most of my other FB peeps would agree, I am here for the fun, not lectures.  Just sayin…

Follow me on Facebook

TWITTER

twitter_bird_follow_me
There is quite the learning curve to this fun service and the best part about it-your friends get ONLY 140 characters to do their bragging, whining, self hatred, etc. Well, unless they link to Uncle Fester photos. But twitter has much more humor and yet is intimidating to most folks. Once you get in a groove with it, some of your best laughs will come from it and you can be so much more anonymous on it. I can promise you your mother will not stalk you on Twitter but she is becoming a pro at Facebook.

And getting followers. This is the social cred on Twitter.  Over  a certain amount, like a gazillion, and you get a purty blue check by your name. I have over 700, grown organically. There are some serious creeps in the twitterverse and you can go in your settings and block the porn bots.

Like in the first couple of months I was on Twitter. Whoo hoo-I got a new follower! Yay me! Now, to go look at Brittney’s profile…Let’s see, hmmmm, what’s that a photo of, let me just blow that up here on my pho….GAAAAAAH! That’s not her FACE!

Thank God for the block option.

We are tweeting the #Bachelor on Monday nights and the #Bachelordrinkinggame . Yes, I know how to party.
Oh, and we have also run the teens off this service as well. We are doing our job.

Follow me on Twitter

PINTEREST

What to do with all of those leftover corks...

What to do with all of those leftover corks…

Think online bulletin board.

And primarily women use this platform.

It takes a little getting used to but after your create your boards like Food, Fun, Family, Homes, LOLCats, and more you will be able to save and revisit these later. Young women pin fabulous size 2 fashions, tattoos, art, photography, dream weddings they could never afford, shoes, organization and more.
Our generation is pinning food, food and more food, crock pot recipes, diet tricks, knitting patterns, and sewing projects. And pictures of Channing Tatum and Johnny Depp. It’s not called electronic hoarding for nothing. And there is a guilt factor involved. I will not be able to live long enough to do all of the projects I have pinned on my boards. I do, however, make the crock recipes and Nutella brownie bites.

Oh, and Pinterest is NOT good for your waistline…

Join me on Pinterest

STUMBLE UPON

Try this. Go to Stumble Upon and put desserts in the search box. See you next year…

No, really, what this service does is seek out for you what you are looking for on the web. This is called an ‘aggregator’ site. You give them terms and it will primarily find you blogs and articles and photos about your subject. Google will bring you everything, including Brittney…Stumble Upon is a bit more specific. And you just click the reset button and up come the latest finds in your search. Like I said, talk to you next week.

REDDITT

Truthfully, we are not the demographic for Redditt and that’s fine with me. It is a weird site that people submit content to, primarily photos, gifs (moving photos) and more and people comment on it. Their largest user group is male 18-30. Some weird stuff here. Take it or leave it. Oh, and this is where the teens, like ants, have scurried to. Everything is in categories called  sub-redditts. And most of those are strange. So if you are looking for alien conspiracy theories, this is the site for you.  Someone started a Menopause subreddit and there are 12 members so far. Crickets….

WordPress, Blogger, Tumblrhipster

These are blogging platforms. And are primarily free until you start using them and figure out that you can make some money with them. If you have something to say, and you have more than 140 characters or more than a paragraph these are good vehicles for you. Yes, you do meet  people through these sites. For writers and photographers, in particular, they are wonderful. You can push your message out through these sites and they hook up with other SM sites and before you know it you are all over the place. Mommy bloggers have taken over these services with a vengeance. Us 45 plus’ers are bringing up the rear in a big way.

Tumblr is more of a micro platform for blogging-it is less flexible with add-ons than WP and Blogger, but is a huge hit with angst-filled teenagers who want followers. Lots of poetry here, photos and some disturbing thoughts. If you have a teen girl-they are probably on tumblr-and emoting about their life. Parents, check this site out…just saying….
Talking about sex after 50 and menopause issues is not kosher on most of the above sites. But do it here on a blogging platform and the next thing you know you are reviewing maxi-pads for a large company. I even have blogging friends that review vibrators. Seriously. They send you one for FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And how come I have not been contacted to do that?????

Marketers better get a handle on who is out there and who is speaking on these platforms. They are not just for kids anymore…

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Hot Flash Friday-We’ve Been Lied To…..

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I hate dieting. And below is the reason why.

I was in my local grocery yesterday, excited to get good stuff since BC and 17 went on a camping weekend today. Four whole days ALONE in my house. This is waaaay better than a weekend at the Ritz with the hubs.
No performance anxiety.

So, I thought I might give some of those frozen meals a try as I plan to be so busy cleaning, organizing, repairing simple things reading books and drinking wine. In front of my little fake log in the fireplace. But alas, it’s going to be in the 70s here this weekend.

I am easily sucked in to a good deal, two for one, pretty pictures on boxes and the like at the store. So when I saw the cover of this one, and the fact that I could GET 5 FOR $10 I was game. And I thought I would share with you my little experience. Oh, and you can meet my dogs…

Blah blah-we’ve all heard it-weight loss is harder starting in your 40s. Yadda Yadda. But for shit’s sake, food companies this is BAIT AND SWITCH! And as time has gone by, these meals have also become smaller, and smaller, and smaller……one of these and about 2 hours later, facing eating another one, you’re like, “Ah Hell NO! I’m going to get me a QUARTER POUNDER…” And the vicious cycle continues.

All groceries need to do is have a menopausal section. Fresh fruits, vegetables, chocolate, wine and prime rib.
And a masseuse, Swedish preferably.
Duh

Follow me on twitter at @hellomap or you can click in the box above and like my Facebook page. Because I’m insecure and all that…

Slacker Turkey Leftovers

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In honor of my lazy woman’s turkey recipe – I now present you with Slacker Turkey Leftovers!

I really really really really HATE leftovers. BC loves them. He will eat anything in a plastic container in the fridge and GOD FORBID you toss it out after about 2 days.

That guy has ingested more bacteria and funk in the 24 years of our marriage, he HAS to be pickled inside. And he is always getting that “My stomach feels funky” thing and will not admit that maybe, just maybe, it’s the fucking leftovers!

I call them science projects.  If there is ever a Zombie Apocalypse and you need penicillin, come on over to my house.  It’s in the fridge.

The up side of this is that those nights I don’t feel like cooking, he is good with whatever surprise is in the plastic container and I eat popcorn. Or a bowl of cereal. And a glass of wine.

I also love soup. He detests it. I think he was brought up in a secret Japanese household where they slurp it at dinner because if I as much as sip my coffee or make a brothy soup and I ACCIDENTALLY slurp it, he gives me the most unbelievable side eye. If we ever divorce, it will be cause of irreconcilable slurping. I just know it.

Luckily over the years I have mastered the art of leftover cooking, and this turkey leftover concoction is one og the most EASY and delicious I make-many thanks to Big Momma for the creation.

Slacker Turkey Leftovers

Take all of your leftover turkey (or most of it), your leftover dressing, gravy and green bean casserole and place in a very large skillet. You can put it in different corners of the pan if you do not like your food to touch. Heat on medium low and stir for about an hour. You may need to add that emergency jar of gravy you have set aside the day before and maybe a box of stove top stuffing.

When heated through, serve over rice or frozen mashed potatoes, waved of course, and add a can of peas or a salad and VOILA – great day after fare.

Big Momma taught me that you always have a can of peas in the pantry.  They go with everything.  So when she leaves this world I am making sure she goes in a can of peas.

Me too…

Cooking A Tucking Furkey

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Woo Hoo! Pass the Spam Y’all

Yesterday I received quite the response on my crocked out turkey. Seriously-it’s really easy.

Buy one of those boneless breasts at the grocery – they are about 4-5 pounds and are in the freezer section. Thaw out overnite if frozen.

Mid morning-place in crock pot on high with a can of orange juice or cranberry juice. You may have to add some chicken broth later especially if you make gravy from it.

At about 4 pm, I put in a bag of the already cut carrots, a small bag of the petite potatoes and an onion cut up. You can play with this by adding spices if you want.

Keep cooking on high for about 2 more hours and VOILA – you’re a tucking furkey goddess!

Now, please remember that this comes out more like a roast turkey – kinda shredded but that’s okay. If you punt and get a jar of turkey gravy to pour on it go for it!

Serves 4-6 depending on size of furkey.

Have a wonderful stress free furkey day!

A Lazy White Woman’s Thanksgiving Instructions

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The Sound of Music (film)

The Sound of Music (film) (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

In reality, the whole turkey thing can be stressful and expensive.

You cook ALL DAY long and then it’s GONE in 20 minutes!

How anticlimactic is that? Then you spend one HOUR washing all the freekin dishes.

It's Mashed Potato Time

It’s Mashed Potato Time (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

So, I am going to give you my version of my Lazy White Trash Thanksgiving Meal.

You can totally subvert this and call your local grocer and they will do it all for you. Mine will do it for a mere $59 bucks. Order by Tuesday nite!  You get a small turkey, cornbread stuffing, green beans and mashed potatoes in not-so-big containers.  Family of 4 max, with eating disorders, like anorexia.

OR, you can do it for so much less than that and follow this plan:

Step 1: Sleep in Thursday morning. Eat bowl of Trix, drink coffee and turn on the Parade. Be thankful you are not freezing your ass off in Manhattan at a parade, with snot nosed children, behind the really obnoxious large family in the ‘I’m with Stupid’ sweatshirts, and staying in an overpriced hotel room.

Step 2: Take boneless turkey breast you bought the day before for 9 bucks and thawed overnight and put it in a Crock Pot with one can of orange juice, cranberry juice or beer. Your choice! Cook on high if it’s after 11, which it probably is by now.

Step 3: Watch Bravo Marathons all afternoon eating chips and Deans French Onion Dip. Great Appetizer! Get out box of Franzia wine.

Step 4: At about 4 pm, toss in those little carrot thingies, couple of small onions and potatoes cut up. Get out your can of green beans, jar of turkey gravy, box of Stove Top Stuffing and canned cranberry sauce. Also your store made pumpkin pie and don’t forget to thaw that cool whip! If you are a mashed potato person, get that baby in the microwave.

Step 5: Yell at hubs and kids to come on down and eat. Get out the Chinet. It is, after all, Thanksgiving.

Step 6: Enjoy . Return to couch, stick hand in front of your pants or unbutton top button and return to your marathon, or ball game.

Cost?? I bought all items at Target today and my cost was $24.64 At the last-minute I added dinner rolls for $1.89

Time?? Waiting on Crock Pot 4-6 hours

Labor?? Opening cans, opening bags and cutting potatoes and onions, and making hung over teenagers clean up (which is basically tossing all in trash bag).

Savings??  Over HALF Bitches!

Sit back, relax, crank the sound on your TV when The Sound of Music comes on Thursday night.  You deserve it…