WTF Wednesdays-What’s In YOUR House?

5

We are reluctant to reveal dark secrets in families, but I have found that once you get it out there, and release it to the world, you feel much better…

Here is ours

20130123-140207.jpg

The above ‘designer accessory’ is on the shelf in the man cave. Fights have ensued before on where to feature these guys, bought in Mexico by a drunk young pilot on an off weekend from the base.

So my answer to this designer accent is this:

20130123-140627.jpg

I think she would look great in pearls and a ball gown.

And one day, when I win the lottery, I think I can get a buddy of mine to sell me this:

20130123-140825.jpg

As you can see, when you get in midlife, you certainly aren’t trying to impress your friends and neighbors anymore. You are just trying to stay one step ahead of the Department of Natural Resources.

And PETA…

Advertisements

Social Media – We are Behaving Just Fine TYVM! And Loving it…

10

There’ve been quite a few  articles out there lately on adults and social media-primarily Facebook and Twitter and how to behave on these sites. Saying we are using acronyms like teens (WTF, LOL, ROTFL), no longer communicating in a personal way with others only broadcasting, and more.  And as many of you know, behaving on social media can be the difference between a job or no job, losing or gaining a friend, pissing your family off,  and more.
So being the ‘expert’ social media consumer that I am, I’m here to clarify how those of us of a ‘certain age’ are using social media, and embracing it, and yes, behaving on it just fine. LOL

FACEBOOK

One of my many profile pics with weird people, in another country...

One of my many profile pics with weird people, in another country…

The mack daddy of all SM sites, we have effectively kicked the teens and most of the younger adults off this platform because we have found it has become a great way to reconnect with old friends from our past lives, high school, college and more. Remember when a neighbor would invite you over to share the slides of their latest trip, birth of their child and more? Remember the letters we got at Christmas full of over-achieving children, luxury trips and job promotions?

Not any more. It’s all on Facebook. And that’s a good thing because now you don’t have to suffer through those dreadful slide shows or compliment IRL (in real life) how adorable that little grandchild is, who is actually a dead ringer for Uncle Fester from the Addams family. In fact, you can go over to their page and like the photo without barely even looking at it!  It’s all happy world to most of these people. Some of us have our mid-life crises on Facebook. Don’t do that. Go buy a sports car like the old days. Because, honestly we really don’t want to be reminded that we too, are in mid life…

As long as Facebook doesn’t mess with our photo albums it will be great. Or track how we stalk. But like Facebook, I am tired of the links, people. Get creative, tell a story, put a photo of your little Uncle Fester at 3 months old. Ditch the ecards and the political links. The shameless self promotion and the multi-level marketing opportunities.  Transparency on Facebook is a real thing, and it is all about relationships, not sales. And as I am sure most of my other FB peeps would agree, I am here for the fun, not lectures.  Just sayin…

Follow me on Facebook

TWITTER

twitter_bird_follow_me
There is quite the learning curve to this fun service and the best part about it-your friends get ONLY 140 characters to do their bragging, whining, self hatred, etc. Well, unless they link to Uncle Fester photos. But twitter has much more humor and yet is intimidating to most folks. Once you get in a groove with it, some of your best laughs will come from it and you can be so much more anonymous on it. I can promise you your mother will not stalk you on Twitter but she is becoming a pro at Facebook.

And getting followers. This is the social cred on Twitter.  Over  a certain amount, like a gazillion, and you get a purty blue check by your name. I have over 700, grown organically. There are some serious creeps in the twitterverse and you can go in your settings and block the porn bots.

Like in the first couple of months I was on Twitter. Whoo hoo-I got a new follower! Yay me! Now, to go look at Brittney’s profile…Let’s see, hmmmm, what’s that a photo of, let me just blow that up here on my pho….GAAAAAAH! That’s not her FACE!

Thank God for the block option.

We are tweeting the #Bachelor on Monday nights and the #Bachelordrinkinggame . Yes, I know how to party.
Oh, and we have also run the teens off this service as well. We are doing our job.

Follow me on Twitter

PINTEREST

What to do with all of those leftover corks...

What to do with all of those leftover corks…

Think online bulletin board.

And primarily women use this platform.

It takes a little getting used to but after your create your boards like Food, Fun, Family, Homes, LOLCats, and more you will be able to save and revisit these later. Young women pin fabulous size 2 fashions, tattoos, art, photography, dream weddings they could never afford, shoes, organization and more.
Our generation is pinning food, food and more food, crock pot recipes, diet tricks, knitting patterns, and sewing projects. And pictures of Channing Tatum and Johnny Depp. It’s not called electronic hoarding for nothing. And there is a guilt factor involved. I will not be able to live long enough to do all of the projects I have pinned on my boards. I do, however, make the crock recipes and Nutella brownie bites.

Oh, and Pinterest is NOT good for your waistline…

Join me on Pinterest

STUMBLE UPON

Try this. Go to Stumble Upon and put desserts in the search box. See you next year…

No, really, what this service does is seek out for you what you are looking for on the web. This is called an ‘aggregator’ site. You give them terms and it will primarily find you blogs and articles and photos about your subject. Google will bring you everything, including Brittney…Stumble Upon is a bit more specific. And you just click the reset button and up come the latest finds in your search. Like I said, talk to you next week.

REDDITT

Truthfully, we are not the demographic for Redditt and that’s fine with me. It is a weird site that people submit content to, primarily photos, gifs (moving photos) and more and people comment on it. Their largest user group is male 18-30. Some weird stuff here. Take it or leave it. Oh, and this is where the teens, like ants, have scurried to. Everything is in categories called  sub-redditts. And most of those are strange. So if you are looking for alien conspiracy theories, this is the site for you.  Someone started a Menopause subreddit and there are 12 members so far. Crickets….

WordPress, Blogger, Tumblrhipster

These are blogging platforms. And are primarily free until you start using them and figure out that you can make some money with them. If you have something to say, and you have more than 140 characters or more than a paragraph these are good vehicles for you. Yes, you do meet  people through these sites. For writers and photographers, in particular, they are wonderful. You can push your message out through these sites and they hook up with other SM sites and before you know it you are all over the place. Mommy bloggers have taken over these services with a vengeance. Us 45 plus’ers are bringing up the rear in a big way.

Tumblr is more of a micro platform for blogging-it is less flexible with add-ons than WP and Blogger, but is a huge hit with angst-filled teenagers who want followers. Lots of poetry here, photos and some disturbing thoughts. If you have a teen girl-they are probably on tumblr-and emoting about their life. Parents, check this site out…just saying….
Talking about sex after 50 and menopause issues is not kosher on most of the above sites. But do it here on a blogging platform and the next thing you know you are reviewing maxi-pads for a large company. I even have blogging friends that review vibrators. Seriously. They send you one for FREE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!And how come I have not been contacted to do that?????

Marketers better get a handle on who is out there and who is speaking on these platforms. They are not just for kids anymore…

Hot Flash Friday-We’ve Been Lied To…..

12

I hate dieting. And below is the reason why.

I was in my local grocery yesterday, excited to get good stuff since BC and 17 went on a camping weekend today. Four whole days ALONE in my house. This is waaaay better than a weekend at the Ritz with the hubs.
No performance anxiety.

So, I thought I might give some of those frozen meals a try as I plan to be so busy cleaning, organizing, repairing simple things reading books and drinking wine. In front of my little fake log in the fireplace. But alas, it’s going to be in the 70s here this weekend.

I am easily sucked in to a good deal, two for one, pretty pictures on boxes and the like at the store. So when I saw the cover of this one, and the fact that I could GET 5 FOR $10 I was game. And I thought I would share with you my little experience. Oh, and you can meet my dogs…

Blah blah-we’ve all heard it-weight loss is harder starting in your 40s. Yadda Yadda. But for shit’s sake, food companies this is BAIT AND SWITCH! And as time has gone by, these meals have also become smaller, and smaller, and smaller……one of these and about 2 hours later, facing eating another one, you’re like, “Ah Hell NO! I’m going to get me a QUARTER POUNDER…” And the vicious cycle continues.

All groceries need to do is have a menopausal section. Fresh fruits, vegetables, chocolate, wine and prime rib.
And a masseuse, Swedish preferably.
Duh

Follow me on twitter at @hellomap or you can click in the box above and like my Facebook page. Because I’m insecure and all that…

I Was Fashion Road Kill

19

eskie2This week the women of GenFab™* are doing a blog hop on the topic: Fashion Disasters.

It was the fall of 1975. I ‘d just been through the teenage hell that was cheerleading tryouts. Oh yes, I WAS a Freshman cheerleader, mainly because I could do a back walkover and round off. Those were pretty heady stunts those days. I loooved the uniform-gold turtleneck, blue wool jumper, knee socks and saddle shoes. But as my 9th grade year rolled along, what little popularity I had as a cheerleader waned.

Maybe it was the foam rubber falsies my mother suggested I put in my bra to make me look bigger. Problem with those was that when you do a perfect high herkie jump, and you come down, they do not stay in the same place…Hard to cheer when you have one foam rubber boob creeping its way up the right side of your turtleneck.
Being in the orchestra did not further my status.
Neither was beating out one of the cool girls for the 2nd seat violin in the NJ state orchestra.
My fate was sealed. They did not choose me for the JV squad.
So, not to be left behind, and wanting to be a part of all that was football, soccer, and the local 4th of July Parade in my small New Jersey town, I decided, or rather, was prodded, in to becoming the school mascot in the fall of my sophomore year. I would do anything to be a part of those activities. It wasn’t that cute blue jumper, the band uniform or the pep squad jackets, but it was close.

Talk about a poor fashion choice.

In 1975 large fuzzy or feathered mascots were not as big time as they are today. This position was usually given to the most desperate member of the high school that couldn’t play the triangle in the marching band. And since there was no such thing as marching violinists, this was my only option if I still wanted to be a part of our high school fun. And go to Band Camp in the Pocono Mountains so I could further stalk the drum dude I had a crush on. And wear a uniform.

So at the beginning of the fall school year, I was handed a ratty, smelly, fuzzed out animal body and separate head that was supposed to resemble a Huskie Dog.

I was Fashion Road Kill.

The up side? I never had to worry about what I was going to wear to the football games.

The down side? I never had to worry that I was EVER going to get that drum dude, let alone ANYONE else on the football or soccer field because of the dead animal smelling costume I had on.

I was lucky that in the 1970’s, in a small town outside of Manhattan, that what you wore was not a big deal. Unfortunately, what you DID, was.

But I bounced back. I always do.

Me, 1978

Me, 1978

By my Senior year, I was a Twirler. Back in the Marching Band. Center stage at the Homecoming Pep Rally doing our glow baton thing to the Steve Miller Band, wearing a swirly twirly band dress, short white boots with a tassels on them, and a Varsity jacket with my name on it that I was proud to wear to the Livingston Mall. I was BACK!

Could have been worse, I could have been in the South in a sequined bathing suit with that baton.

With those foam falsies whirling everywhere.

*Generation Fabulous is a dynamic group of female midlife bloggers who are setting this world on fire. The women of GenFab are the voices of midlife today.

This is a Blog Hop! For the Link to this post and the others-go to NotASupermom!

 

Hot Flash Fridays – CRS Disease

17
Photos: LOLZ book.com

Photos: LOLZ book.com

In the last week or so, the media, including the talking heads on the major networks, have been reporting that SCIENTISTS have found that there are MEMORY problems during MENOPAUSE.

Oh Really?????????? You think so????????

Duh, Dudes. It is called CRS Disease. And it hits men and women right about the time that they start buying the 3-pack of readers at Costco.

What is CRS Disease? It’s the abbreviation of the scientific term of Can’t Remember Shit Disease.

First, it appears briefly around the time you have your first child.

The onset of this condition at that time starts with simple symptoms like leaving your toddler in the car seat on top of the car in the Target parking lot. And then getting in and starting your car and driving away. With Junior in the new convertible option.

CRS appears briefly after pregnancy and delivery. New Moms and Dads walk around in what is called the Fog of Pregnancy. Women especially. The subsequent hormone dump after delivery causes much of this as well as the lack of sleep. Dads do to a milder degree. Which is why I won’t even get in to that discussion…

Us girls get a double whammy as Menopause approaches.  I call this MenoFog.  This is the Fog of The 10 Year or So Estrogen Dump Going On In Your Body During Midlife. This version of CRS Disease begins with the onset of these symptoms:

  • Going to brew a cup of coffee and ending up at Nordstrom buying shoes
  • TRYING to shop for a bra at the Victoria’s Secret annual sale. Like they have the triple sag option
  • Deciding to take on a new hobby, a new cat, a new puppy, adopt from China, open a gift shop-one that sells crystals…
  • Forgetting to set your clocks on the correct time after a spring forward fall back, and not caring
  • You started to make your bed, then the next thing it’s dinner time, you’ve been in the yard all day and your bed is still not made
  • Your smart phone keeps buzzing you with notifications that you didn’t remember putting in it
  • Enjoying your FREE subscription to the AARP magazine
  • Joining the AARP online dating site
  • Wearing elastic waist ANYTHING
  • Shopping for comfy flat soled shoes
  • You have purchased 55 types of wrinkle creams at Walmart thinking your were out of the one at home. And, oooohhh, it has a pretty box, oh look! Plants!
  • Forgetting your in-law’s birthdays
  • You start creeping on people on Facebook and the next thing you know you’ve ordered pajama jeans from Amazon
  • You start using one of those 7 day plastic pill holder thingies
  • You’ve been prescribed Xanax

As women, we go through both of these CRS fogs at one time or another. And if you will notice, both appear when that mean old Estrogen Fairy decides to fuck with our levels of hormones.

I am wondering how much money has been spent on these studies.  CRS has been around for centuries.

All that money could be going to rescuing more cats, and Me at Walmart in the beauty section.

See you next week!