Hot Flash Fridays – CRS Disease

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Photos: LOLZ book.com

Photos: LOLZ book.com

In the last week or so, the media, including the talking heads on the major networks, have been reporting that SCIENTISTS have found that there are MEMORY problems during MENOPAUSE.

Oh Really?????????? You think so????????

Duh, Dudes. It is called CRS Disease. And it hits men and women right about the time that they start buying the 3-pack of readers at Costco.

What is CRS Disease? It’s the abbreviation of the scientific term of Can’t Remember Shit Disease.

First, it appears briefly around the time you have your first child.

The onset of this condition at that time starts with simple symptoms like leaving your toddler in the car seat on top of the car in the Target parking lot. And then getting in and starting your car and driving away. With Junior in the new convertible option.

CRS appears briefly after pregnancy and delivery. New Moms and Dads walk around in what is called the Fog of Pregnancy. Women especially. The subsequent hormone dump after delivery causes much of this as well as the lack of sleep. Dads do to a milder degree. Which is why I won’t even get in to that discussion…

Us girls get a double whammy as Menopause approaches.  I call this MenoFog.  This is the Fog of The 10 Year or So Estrogen Dump Going On In Your Body During Midlife. This version of CRS Disease begins with the onset of these symptoms:

  • Going to brew a cup of coffee and ending up at Nordstrom buying shoes
  • TRYING to shop for a bra at the Victoria’s Secret annual sale. Like they have the triple sag option
  • Deciding to take on a new hobby, a new cat, a new puppy, adopt from China, open a gift shop-one that sells crystals…
  • Forgetting to set your clocks on the correct time after a spring forward fall back, and not caring
  • You started to make your bed, then the next thing it’s dinner time, you’ve been in the yard all day and your bed is still not made
  • Your smart phone keeps buzzing you with notifications that you didn’t remember putting in it
  • Enjoying your FREE subscription to the AARP magazine
  • Joining the AARP online dating site
  • Wearing elastic waist ANYTHING
  • Shopping for comfy flat soled shoes
  • You have purchased 55 types of wrinkle creams at Walmart thinking your were out of the one at home. And, oooohhh, it has a pretty box, oh look! Plants!
  • Forgetting your in-law’s birthdays
  • You start creeping on people on Facebook and the next thing you know you’ve ordered pajama jeans from Amazon
  • You start using one of those 7 day plastic pill holder thingies
  • You’ve been prescribed Xanax

As women, we go through both of these CRS fogs at one time or another. And if you will notice, both appear when that mean old Estrogen Fairy decides to fuck with our levels of hormones.

I am wondering how much money has been spent on these studies.  CRS has been around for centuries.

All that money could be going to rescuing more cats, and Me at Walmart in the beauty section.

See you next week!

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Warts and All. Why I Love My Faults…

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I was trolling around on the internet looking for blog inspiration and I found a couple of folks who do Monday Listicles-they throw out a topic and you write 5 or 10 things about that topic. One was the top things you learned in 2012, and the other was what faults are you thankful for.

These may or may not be faults, depending on perspective.  Maybe they are vices, whatever…

1. I am thankful for my impulsiveness or ADD. It helps me decide, fairly quickly, to buy that overpriced handbag (Hey, honey, I can recoup it on eBay!). In addition to some bad decisions, it has also helped me to take chances on myself, bring home cute kitties and puppies from various rescue places, and start this blogging thing…

2. I am thankful for my addiction to carbohydrates. In real life, carbs and starches are my enemy. But my fantasy would be that someone invent a pill so that I could eat delicious bread based meals like stuffing, cakes, pies, hero subs, french fries and more with abandon. I bet the need for depression meds would be much less…

3. I am thankful for red wine. I even drink it at concerts, which is truly lame. Aerosmith and a glass of cab. Never thought THAT would happen…

4. I am thankful for my sometimes lack of a filter. Lets me know who is real and who is not. This really helps in negotiations in today’s cheerful real estate market…

5. I am thankful for my love of stupid television. Honey Boo Boo, Storage Wars, Real Housewives, Kardashians. Reminds me that I am not as crazy as I think I am…

6. I am thankful for the current Zombie craze. I now know that when I become a zombie, I will be skinny and not have to put on makeup to leave the house. And I can eat anything I want. I am truly a meat eater, suits me well…

7. I am thankful for my love of all things Flo Rida, Lady Gaga, Diddy, Kanye et al. Who needs to teach their kids about sex when you can just turn on the radio?

8. I am thankful for Facebook and Twitter. I have been able to reconnect AND meet with some old and new friends and make a fool of myself for people all over the planet.

9. I am thankful for my potty mouth.  Sometimes. It has taken me a while to figure out where and when to use it properly.  But there is just no better word than those that begin with F for when you stub your toe, hit the side of the garage in your hub’s truck, or yell at your teenager when you find your bottle of whipped cream vodka gone from the freezer.

10.  I am thankful for these lists.  Makes me write when I have writer’s constipation.  And gets me going again!

Have a great week!

Sisterhood of the Traveling Trolls

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I was in the land of the Walking Dead yesterday.  I attended the Saturday session of Aiming Low’s Non Conference in Callaway Gardens, Georgia.  It is fairly close to the areas that they film the network TV series and I was hoping to run into some sexy zombies but alas, just some really sexy bloggers!

This was my first blogging conference for what I call the real bloggers out there–creative people of all shapes, ideas, personalities and truly committed to their craft and it was both surreal, eye-opening, and fun to be with like-minded people JUST LIKE ME! (read-crazy, funny, smart, sassy, talented, challenged, stressed, etc).

In the meantime I was nominated for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award from the Menopausal Mother!  And there are some rules that go with this that I am happy to comply with:
RULES:

Include award logo in blog post, thank the nominee and link back to their site
Post 7 interesting facts about yourself
Pass the award to 7 deserving sisters
7 Like TOTALLY interesting Facts about myself:

1.  I met IRL the Pioneer Woman at the Aiming Low Non Con yesterday and she sang “Endless Love” while showing a slide show of Charlie, her Bassett hound.  She is so human-which is why she is so popular, and I hear she can down a mean martini, and over 20 olives…

2.  Last week I wrote about my adult ADD – made worse, of course by the fact that I am a Woman of a Certain Age.  I wrote about it here at I Can Haz Shinee Objects

3.  I am going to move my blog this week to another host so there may be a teesny bit of downtime – but this will finally give me a chance to clean my house. Yeah, don’t pass out.

4.  I also wrote a post last week on a little problem that an oh, so intellectual fraternity at University Of Tennessee had with boxed wine.  If you are brought up right in my house you do not drink boxed wine unless you are camping in an RV park, partying with your girlfriends on a spooky bus tour of downtown Asheville, or get stuck doing your clothes in a laundromat. Just saying.

5.  I made it into the Huffington Post.  Well, kinda.  The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva did.  With the dog shaming craze, she asked us bloggers to do a little mom shaming.  And we did.  My pic made it onto her article.  And in the album-not one of the 10 best but hey, I’ll take it.

6.  I am a flea, antique and thrift store whore.  In the last 2 weeks me and my partner in crime  I have amassed probably Atlanta’s largest collection of Butt Ugly Christmas Sweaters. And you can have one too for your holiday parties! Come join us at the Lakewood 400 Market this upcoming weekend.  You can also buy lotsa other fun stuff there too.  I have always been a flea freak.  Don’t know why. But maybe it’s because of all of the moving we did growing up that  I have no remnants of my childhood toys to look at — which is totally fine.  But I still collect Trolls…

giggle @F51

7.  Everyone has a Bucket List.  My top one is to be a Zombie Extra on the Walking Dead just once. In high school, I remember watching Night of the Living Dead with friends and thank god it was in black and white.  But zombies have always fascinated me for some really weird reason and just once, I want to stagger and groan and eat gross stuff with a horrid makeup job completely sober…   

So thank you MM – And I would like to pass this award on to these fellow sisters:

Apossuminadishwasher

Cornfield Diaries

Is is Pretty

Pocketful of Joules

Really Real Atlanta Housewives

The B(itc)h Log

Diapers or Wine

Have a great week and come play with me on twitter @hellomap