Been There, Done That, Not Arrested, Yet…

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Who doesn’t have a bucket list?

Can you believe I don’t??

I was once in a class that I had to write down 100 things to do before I die.  I was about 35 at the time. At that point the only thing I could think of was to not kill my colicky infant keeping me awake all night.  But, over time, I have had the opportunity to:

  • Snorkel in Hawaii – fyi – wear a t-shirt – we got 2nd degree burns on our back
  • Attend an Olympic Games – I was even a volunteer at the ones in Atlanta
  • Work on a (mostly) naked Gay leather catalogue photo shoot AND not get arrested
  • Meet a couple of famous people
  • Be on TV (Anderson Cooper), attend the Ellen Show

    At the Ellen Show

    At the Ellen Show

  • Sneak on to the stage at the Hollywood Bowl
  • Jump – accidentally – into Maureen O’Hara’s (Mia Farrow’s mom) trash can sneaking out of a Beverly Hills house
  • Start a fight at Chastain Park while watching Kool & the Gang on my 40th birthday
  • See the Eiffel Tower, Big Ben, travel Europe after college, yada yada
  • Own a German car
  • Pass out a Rolling Stone’s Concert
  • Smoke weed with the roadies at a Billy Idol Concert
  • Make out with a former PGA professional at a golf tournament in 1983
  • Sing on Stage with Doug Clark and the Hot Nuts
  • Spend New Years Eve in Times Square
  • Flash REM at a concert in 1983 – they didn’t see me…
  • Work on a Presidential campaign – he lost
  • Own a horse
  • Be broke because I owned a horse (or 3…)
  • Get boobs – well, after pregnancy
  • Vegas – what happens in Vegas…
  • Have a bar bill at my wedding that was more than the food bill
  • Go on a five-day blind date with a Beverly Hills doctor that was 4 days and 23 hours and 55 minutes too long…
  • Sell a million dollar house or 10
  • Pee in the back of an AMC Pacer in 1978
  • Zip Line on a cruise
  • Eat an entire box of HOT Krispey Kremes
  • Go to a midnight screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show in nightgowns, with rain coats, umbrellas, toast and rice. . .The_Rocky_Horror_Picture_Show
  • Go to The Varsity for lunch REALLY hung over – this perspective changes everything about those ‘walkin dogs’
  • Do the ‘walk of shame’ but that was in my 20s.  Would be fun to do it again…
  • Get Botox – I already have a big forehead. Botox makes it more prominent – yay Flipper
  • Get a mammogram and not scream
  • Go on a Napa wine tour.  In a Wines R Us tour van. Really.
  • Find out that the video cameras at the Animal Kingdom hotel at Disney are pointed to your ROOM…over the pasture. Great.
  • Be able to spell Vagina correctly. And say it. Out loud. (I grew up Catholic…)
  • Go to a Drag Show. FYI – they dress better than us, girls
  • Be a mom. And find out that you can nurse a baby, bake a cake, and negotiate a real estate contract all at the same time.
  • Become a photographer – FINALLY – and make shoe money with it
  • Become a writer – again – thank god for blogging and the people I have met there, AND the opportunities and support

So I guess this is my Already Been There Done That list and for these experiences I am thankful.  And a little shocked.  I really am a nutcase.

And yes, this is my 100th post.  I am planning on 100 more, and 100 more.  Now, if you can help me add The Amazing Race to this list – but only if they stay in luxury hotels and avoid extremely hot and humid locations….

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My Strange Obsession. . .Today

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It’s peak weekend here in North GA and no, I’m not peeking but I think lots of people are driving into the mountains to see leaves and shit. I’m thinking the Blue Ridge Parkway is like the 405 during rush hour. What fun.

Soooo, I am enjoying my weekend here at the Lakewood 400 Antiques Market in Cumming Ga where me and a friend have a booth selling all kinds of fun crap. I have an obsession that I feed weekly-traveling to flea markets and thrift stores to find cool stuff.

In order to avoid an episode of Hoarders filming at my house I have to sell some of it. This weekend I have it all pretty and laid out with price tags. I also have over 50 tacky Christmas sweaters to get rid of. So come on down and visit the mermaid. Oh and I have a few creepy baby dolls for you to traumatize your kids with…

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Storm Trooper-He dirtied his outfit himself-wow…..

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Storm Trooper-He dirtied his outfit himself-wow.....

Great Cod Piece Leonard….

Some of my shots from DragonCon this weekend.  This is a def MUST ATTEND in Atlanta for all nerds, gamers, sci-fi and fantasy buffs.  I fit right in.  Oh god……..

What someone will do for a shot….

Homemade Trekkie AG Dolls–LOVED!

Bunny? Squirrel?? He told me he worked Renaissance Festivals. REALLY??

She was posing quite a bit for us. I could use this mask in my 50 shades foreplay….

Honey-this is what happens if you pick your nose….

See-you CAN find a mate on ECreepy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The ONE hot guy I found in the parade. God is good…..

Unfortunatley there weren’t any good vagina costumes…… Sorry kids.

You Are NOT An Expert on Fine China!

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Silver table setting of the siblings Carl and ...

Silver table setting of the siblings Carl and Anna Reiss. C. 1,000 pieces by various German manufacturers, made after 1888. Gallery: Zeughaus, Reiss-Engelhorn-Museen, Mannheim. ‪Norsk (bokmål)‬: Sølvtøy, kuvert (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you jerkfaces don’t stop talking about it-I promise-I will NEVER invite you over to dinner at my house.

Nope-keep your dirty little doctrine off my Fine China.

Thank you very much.

Because if you can not behave at my dinner party, or at my girlfriends dinner parties, they won’t lay out their fine china for YOU either.
Everyone (that have manners..) knows that you do not discuss politics or religion at a dinner party.  But you ELEPHANTS  insist on coming to our dinner parties all ready to be an expert on our fine china.

Do you have any idea on what it takes to A) Care for our Fine China, B)Watch over it so no one ruins it, C)Keep it from breaking, D)Earn enough to pay for 10 place settings? Every Month?

The minute you can tell us the difference between gold rimmed and sterling rimmed china, the history of the fine china at my particular table, the specifics of the table setting,  the reason WHY we take such interest and care of our china, the difference between American, French, German, and English china and what it is made of, then MAYBE we can discuss.

Well, let me tell you folks-us girls KNOW our fine china.  We make sure is it sparkling clean (in most cases), it all matches, and it works fabulously with our sterling silver and Waterford crystal. We want to make sure that when you enter our dining room, you will Oooh and AAaahh over our table setting and how great our fine china looks.

That’s it, then go ahead and enjoy your meal and write me a thank you note.  I would have to say most of my voter ready dinner gals with fabulous fine china would agree.

My ONE Post on Politics-Show ME Your ABS!!!

“One day, you are gonna make a good politician’s wife.” This was a comment by a guy I dated after college who OBVIOUSLY didn’t know me that well. Now he’s some big lawyer in North Carolina. Thank god for that–it’s hard enough being true to your insane self, let alone an insane self married to a conservative lawyer in a red state….

Which is why I got to thinking. At 52-I am finding that me and my chicks are pretty smart, know politics, raise kids, animals, whatever. I don’t get particularly political or ‘religitical’ on social platforms. I pretty much keep it to myself. If there is anything in the world I hate more is to piss someone off, or better yet, make them want to unfriend me on social media or in life. BUT, that being said, since I AM OVER 50–  I’m not scared to speak my mind anymore. So this is going to be my ONE POST ON POLITICS.

Here goes….

I am voting for the dude with the best ABS in the race. So come on guys-show us your ABS!!! Because that is really what all of us in the  (insert number here-come one girls-all ages like abs..) plus demo really care about. Frustrated, yep. Going to vote on someone that cheats on his wive or wives (Newt-sorry-never, ever wanna see them), not really. ABS.

So this is what I know:

Barack Obama–Google “Obama Shirtless”–wow–all kids of abs filled pics-for a 50 plus President I’m thinking he looks pretty swell. Major PDA with Michelle-who is pretty cool.

Dude-Where’s my surfboard!

Joe Biden — Not seen these either but his wife is the dope and he is ridiculously funny. Humor is important in politics.

Mitt Romney–Not sure–but dammit-he has GOT to stop walking around like he has a horrible case of hemorrhoids. Please, Mitt-loosen up! Your sons are really hot–pimp them out more.  Coupla them’s pretty hot.

Shit-I forgot the Tucks….

Paul Ryan–According to many media outlets-this guy has KILLER ABS! Works out all the time, sleeps in his office so he can see his family more, needs a hair makeover..but who cares-SHOW US YOUR ABS!

#2 Search-I was one of those numbers. too….

So get down off your elephants and shake your money-maker!

In November I gotta make a decision–geeeze….