WTF is Twitter? A Guide for Big Haired Peeps

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Dear Universe-I want more friends (the online kind, not calling me on the phone about their tennis game friends..)Please send me Twitter followers because I want to be popular.   If I have to, I will create a pink mohawk like that NASA dude who went from 160 to 25K followers in ONE DAY because of the photo of him in a Mars landing article.

I get lots of questions about Twitter from my peeps in my age group.  You know, hip, fun, big hair, listen to Led Zep, Billy Joel, Boston, you know the drill.

I am finding that the folks in my demographic are either not on Twitter, dumb as snot, or lurkers on Twitter because most of my Twitter followers are younger than me….and hipper, and funnier, and geekier.

Because I am such a geek, I signed up back in 2007 when a buddy of mine in real estate and I started talking about this new cool thing. Plus, as a regular reader of trash mags like The Enquirer, Star, US, People, etc., it is a really fun place to find out gossip-especially about celebs, and you can follow them and it makes you feel like they are your friend. How pathetic is that?

WTF is it?  It a social network. Oh, great, not another one….BUT before you complain, the cool thing about it is that you can connect to all types of people thru the web that you would not ordinarily connect to on other platforms because there is no ‘friending’ and you can be whoever you want to be.  There are dogs and cats who tweet, there are specific twitter accounts for companies to communicate directly to their employees, there are accounts for events, all kids of uses.  It is basically a microblogging platform-you get 140 characters-which can really be the best thing about it. Can’t get too wordy on it. And you can unfollow  people who annoy you, and they don’t know it.  Even better, huh?

Twitter has also been a great place for breaking news. I usually find out about stuff before the TV and radio stations broadcast it. It was partially responsible for many important events like the riots in Iran, Egypt, watching Charlie Sheen disintegrate into Whoville, Kim K’s 20 second marriage, the Olympics and more. For a news hound like me it is nirvana!

And, besides most teenagers have migrated from Facebook to Twitter so you can anonymously stalk your kid there too.

So, how do you get on it?

First of all it’s FREE.  Yep-we all love free stuff so just go to Twitter and sign up.  You can make a really fun name for yourself, or if you are tweeting for business you may want to use your real name.

Then, fill out your profile and upload a picture-which can be just about anything-mine is the mermaid.  If you have no photo I will not follow–this is pretty much standard amongst tweeters–we like to know who we are chirping to.  Then start searching for peeps to follow.  You can do this by finding someone you work with on twitter in the search box, or finding their twitter handle (remember CB radios-breaker breaker 19…) on places like their business cards FB pages, and web pages.

Those number/hashtaggie thingies are basically search words.  When you put a hash tag in front of a word like #fart, you can go in the search box, type in FART and it will bring you all the tweets that mention fart.  I bet that is the first reason you will want to sign up, huh?

Oh, beware the kinky followers–Sometimes you get a notice in your email that you have a new follower.  YAY–I have a follower!! But, what is that a picture of, what is that???…Let me look at it sideways, ok, now I will click on it to make it bigger and HOLY CRAP IT’S A VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!! EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! Seriously-this happened to me–so I immediately clicked on the link, and promptly blocked this person, thing, whatever.  I mean I don’t want some crazy vagina reading my twitter feed, THAT’s GROSS!!!!!

So, if you get some porny type people following you, you might want to block them unless you are in to that kind of stuff……

The MOST important thing about Twitter is to engage. Especially if you want followers.  Be parts of conversations, ask questions, reply and retweet others tweets.  You can meet some really cool people on there.

And laugh-some of my best laughs come from Jennifer Weiner, author of The Next Best Thing , who tweets her comments about the ABC series the #Bachelorette/Bachelor on Monday nites when it is on.  I follow her just to read these comments and howl at the show.

So come on chicks–get on and FOLLOW ME @hellomap

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Like Going to a REAL Strip Club, only Cheaper………

I wish I was 18 again. Because I would have a poster of the hot Channing Tatum on the wall in my bedroom. I could fall asleep to him every night and dream of the what if’s…..

Yes, we saw the movie. This past Friday night. It was in 2 theaters and sold out. What was particularly funny to me was that most of the gals  in there were dressed to kill, makeup, hair, sundresses, stacked shoes, like they were REALLY going to a strip club. And it was like going to a real strip club, only you didn’t have to hold your hand over your drink…..

I, of course, snuck in bottled water. That was stupid. I should have smuggled in a bottle of Skinny Girl cosmo’s. Would have been more appropriate.

Movie was great. Even had a message. The dancing was unreal, the guys were hot, especially Mr. Tatum. Who, by the way is from Alabama. I know a good southern boy when I see one. Too bad he is happily married. People Magazine ruined that for me this weekend.

Worth the $11 ticket. Take your girls and go. It is all of the R rating and more. And it was 107 degrees this weekend. I didn’t even notice!