Does this Ass Make My Boots Look Fat?

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Cute huh?

I broke down and bought my first pair of real cowboy boots this weekend. Mainly because they were really cute. Mainly because they were a mens size which, for my fat feet, works way better. Mainly because they were termed ‘vintage’, which you know, is a widely used term for just about any thing these days when you don’t want to say the word OLD.

As many of you know, I am an antique and flea market slut and I found, through a neighbor, and our connection to a certain giant bird named Darwin that she was afraid to kill in our hood for turning her koi in her pond into sushi, a partner in insanity, named hereafter as Bootsie. We had a large booth this weekend in a local antique show for three days and sold lots of fun stuff. The big hit seemed to be the vintage cowboy boots that she had collected over time. I felt like we were becoming the Boot Depot or something. Not a person walked by without picking up, touching, trying on , or commenting on the boots. I was like, “Whats up with that?? Whodathunk??

Bootsie went into full on Buster Brown shoe store salesperson mode.  If she could fit you, you probably owned a pair in under 15 minutes.  And maybe a fun tacky holiday sweater for yucks this season.  We had a blast.  And, I bought a pair.

You see, with becoming mid-century modern, you also start becoming mid-century frumpy.  And while a couple of days of that is okay, EVERY day is NOT.  Big Momma would not let me out of the house ‘looking like that’ when I was a teenager.  It should be the same now, right?

Elastic waistbands should  stay within the confines of your home.  The same with kitten sweatshirts.  Every now and then a trip to the store is okay, in off hours.  You know when you go into your local grocery in makeup and the cashiers, who are your best friends, do not recognize you, there is a problem.

Sometimes a purchase can inspire you to become better.  To change, to be happy, excited for your future.  At least that’s what I tell BC.  Seriously, these boots are made for walkin’.  And looking really hot with a great pair of boot cut jeans and a long tie died top (this hides my ‘situation’ – you know, the muffin that ate New Jersey?). They make me feel pretty smexy.  And anything to be hot and not be sweating at the same time is good for me.

In reality, fixing myself up just a little bit is not hard.  I’ve just become lazy.  When I commented on a pair another somewhat frumpy  mid-century gal was putting on (black snake skin), that they made her look hot, and she could really ‘kick some ass in those”,  her hubs looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and nodded.

You see ladies, they still want us to look good.  Every now and then.  Men are inherently visual.  Why is porn the number one search on Google? Duh.

They need to see it to get it.  All of our metaphors and hints and hidden meaning comments go right over their heads.  If I make a written list for the hubs, it gets done.  If I telepathically think I want him to do something, I assure you, it will not happen.  Get over it ladies.  It should not take you until you reach my age to figure this out like I did.

Some of you may think this is old school. But I truly believe since from the beginning of time most men have not changed a whole bunch.

And NEVER ask them how anything looks. Just go with it in confidence.

Remember, always ask for forgiveness, not permission.

So maybe this ass makes my new boots look fat.  But I know better than to ask.

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My Strange Obsession. . .Today

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It’s peak weekend here in North GA and no, I’m not peeking but I think lots of people are driving into the mountains to see leaves and shit. I’m thinking the Blue Ridge Parkway is like the 405 during rush hour. What fun.

Soooo, I am enjoying my weekend here at the Lakewood 400 Antiques Market in Cumming Ga where me and a friend have a booth selling all kinds of fun crap. I have an obsession that I feed weekly-traveling to flea markets and thrift stores to find cool stuff.

In order to avoid an episode of Hoarders filming at my house I have to sell some of it. This weekend I have it all pretty and laid out with price tags. I also have over 50 tacky Christmas sweaters to get rid of. So come on down and visit the mermaid. Oh and I have a few creepy baby dolls for you to traumatize your kids with…

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Sisterhood of the Traveling Trolls

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I was in the land of the Walking Dead yesterday.  I attended the Saturday session of Aiming Low’s Non Conference in Callaway Gardens, Georgia.  It is fairly close to the areas that they film the network TV series and I was hoping to run into some sexy zombies but alas, just some really sexy bloggers!

This was my first blogging conference for what I call the real bloggers out there–creative people of all shapes, ideas, personalities and truly committed to their craft and it was both surreal, eye-opening, and fun to be with like-minded people JUST LIKE ME! (read-crazy, funny, smart, sassy, talented, challenged, stressed, etc).

In the meantime I was nominated for the Sisterhood of the World Bloggers Award from the Menopausal Mother!  And there are some rules that go with this that I am happy to comply with:
RULES:

Include award logo in blog post, thank the nominee and link back to their site
Post 7 interesting facts about yourself
Pass the award to 7 deserving sisters
7 Like TOTALLY interesting Facts about myself:

1.  I met IRL the Pioneer Woman at the Aiming Low Non Con yesterday and she sang “Endless Love” while showing a slide show of Charlie, her Bassett hound.  She is so human-which is why she is so popular, and I hear she can down a mean martini, and over 20 olives…

2.  Last week I wrote about my adult ADD – made worse, of course by the fact that I am a Woman of a Certain Age.  I wrote about it here at I Can Haz Shinee Objects

3.  I am going to move my blog this week to another host so there may be a teesny bit of downtime – but this will finally give me a chance to clean my house. Yeah, don’t pass out.

4.  I also wrote a post last week on a little problem that an oh, so intellectual fraternity at University Of Tennessee had with boxed wine.  If you are brought up right in my house you do not drink boxed wine unless you are camping in an RV park, partying with your girlfriends on a spooky bus tour of downtown Asheville, or get stuck doing your clothes in a laundromat. Just saying.

5.  I made it into the Huffington Post.  Well, kinda.  The Divine Secrets of a Domestic Diva did.  With the dog shaming craze, she asked us bloggers to do a little mom shaming.  And we did.  My pic made it onto her article.  And in the album-not one of the 10 best but hey, I’ll take it.

6.  I am a flea, antique and thrift store whore.  In the last 2 weeks me and my partner in crime  I have amassed probably Atlanta’s largest collection of Butt Ugly Christmas Sweaters. And you can have one too for your holiday parties! Come join us at the Lakewood 400 Market this upcoming weekend.  You can also buy lotsa other fun stuff there too.  I have always been a flea freak.  Don’t know why. But maybe it’s because of all of the moving we did growing up that  I have no remnants of my childhood toys to look at — which is totally fine.  But I still collect Trolls…

giggle @F51

7.  Everyone has a Bucket List.  My top one is to be a Zombie Extra on the Walking Dead just once. In high school, I remember watching Night of the Living Dead with friends and thank god it was in black and white.  But zombies have always fascinated me for some really weird reason and just once, I want to stagger and groan and eat gross stuff with a horrid makeup job completely sober…   

So thank you MM – And I would like to pass this award on to these fellow sisters:

Apossuminadishwasher

Cornfield Diaries

Is is Pretty

Pocketful of Joules

Really Real Atlanta Housewives

The B(itc)h Log

Diapers or Wine

Have a great week and come play with me on twitter @hellomap