24 Years of Taking One for the Team…..

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This is the requisite Happy Anniversary to my husband, BC (Ball and Chain for those of you unfamiliar with him).

10 Reasons he has stayed married to me for a now 24 years (I know it feels like FOREVER, darlin!)

24 years ago today, in a limo far, far away…….

1. I don’t do his laundry. He didn’t like the way I folded it 24 years ago, and he’s not going to like it now so he does it himself. And it’s all grey. And not my fault!

2. Every birthday and holiday I make him his favorite dish-pan fried steak with gravy, mashed potatoes, mushy green beans and a beer. I pan fry the steak in saved bacon fat. Yep, has not given him a heart attack yet.

3. I TRY to keep the pillows on our master bed (or the workbench as he calls it, heh heh) to a minimum. But it is half mine too….

4. I have only backed in to his truck ONCE. Which is a freekin miracle because he never pulls in far enough in the driveway..

5. I NEVER drag him to a chick flick, neighborhood bunko parties, expensive restaurants unless I have a gift card, dinner with friends with small children, or play mixed doubles tennis with him as my partner.

6. The ONLY time he will attempt to go shopping with me is at Costco. Dragging him to a mall is the death knell of any marriage. And shoes, hide them, the truly do not understand and if they do, they have a fetish, so RUN!

7. I look the other way when he turns back in to a 14 year old with his Gator Frat buddies once a year at the first ball game of the season. Went once. I have my dignity.

8. I understand that his man cave may look like fodder for a  Hoarders show, but I leave it alone and close the door and make sure the kitchen sink is empty because he WOULD divorce me over that.

9. I also understand that every now and then I have to ‘take one for the team’ and act like it’s the best I’ve ever had.

10.  I WANT him to play golf and get out of the house.  I enjoy my little girls trips as much as he enjoys his boys trips. So that when we do travel together its fun and stress free and kid free. I do think he is having an affair with the tool chick at Home Depot. But that’s OK, less work for me…..

Happy 24 years to me and BC.  You are a great Daddy, can fart like a pro, make me laugh and I love ya! What a ride it has been, and now that we BOTH have our AARP cards, and still have all of our teeth,  we can now go to the dinner specials at Denny’s!

Aging has its perks.

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Should I, or Shouldn’t I??

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Are y’all done YET?????

I think I need to make a sex tape. After all, it seems to be the way you get famous in today’s culture. Look at Kim Kardashian–her mom took the bull by the horns (or horny bull, whatever) and turned that big ol mistake into a cash cow for her and her entire Armenian clan there in Los Angeles. I have to give her props for that. That is true entrepreneurial spirit! And now, media outlets are reporting that Kanye wants to make an “artful’ one with her. Yeah right…………
But who would want to look at a sex tape by a 52-year-old menopausal woman ? (Here come the pervs…) And Big Momma wouldn’t market it, she would watch it and point out that I have gained weight and that my hair needs to be a little blonder….

First of all, I would have to have a chiropractor on call.  And the keg-o-lube nearby.  I would also need the AC to be at about 60 degrees to quell the hot flashes that are NOT from passion.

And then I would have to clean my room and get it ready to be on video.  I don’t think the photos of 16 as a toddler on my bedside table are really great props.  Or the self-help books and the bottle of Tums.  I can’t afford a set director so I guess we would have to ditch that idea.

And the script-have to write that.  Would consist of:  “ow”  “Can you move over a little so I can see Jay Leno?”  “How long is this going to take?”  “Uh, oh, leg cramp!” “That was the dog, not me”  “EEEWWWW”   Award winning–Oscar worthy-yep, I ‘ll get right on that.

And let’s not forget  the three terriers that we have will also have to be on set. In the bed, fighting over a chew bone.  Really hot and sexy dontcha think?

And the TV has to be on the Fox News Network, Food Network or the Golf Channel HD.  Oh, this is getting better and better.  Just what the world wants to see–a middle-aged mom and a Republican golf addict with bad backs in a sex tape on You Tube. I Just cannot wait to be You Tube famous……

Aaannnnndddd, ACTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!