WTF Wednesday–I’ve Been Googled…..

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This is one of my BFF’s, hugging her tortoise after he returned from a weekend out drinking with his buddies and not answering his texts from her…..

Congrats to me. I have been doing this blog thing since the beginning of July and truly enjoying getting all this quirky shit out of my ADD addled brain. Been holed up in thar awhile.

Hope you are enjoying it too.

Anyhoooo. One of the fun things I have discovered about this bogging thing is seeing what folks on the internet are searching and how it hits my site.

There are quite a few disturbed pervy peeps out there–and I know I have probably disappointed them when they landed here. So for shits and giggles I have made a list, so far, of the search terms that show up on my stats page that I find totally hilarious, and, uh, creepy:

  1. 1. I want the kind of head injury where I wake up and Channing Tatum tells me he’s my husband (good luck with that honey…)
    2. Channing Tatum Pony (he has a PONY??? I didn’t know he liked horses.)
    3. Paul Ryan Shirtless (got that one, oh, and he has an Eddie Munster hairdo…)
    4. Sour puss face gymnast (that’s YOU Makayla…)
    5. Do olympic gymnasts go commando (seriously-I have never even considered this to be important, but makes ya wonder….)
    6. Diapers on teenagers (I have written about me eventually in diapers, but..)
    7. Makayla Maroney ass (she has a donkey????)

And my NUMBER ONE FAVORITE: Drum roll please…..

There’s a mermaid in my bed sex tape !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Commando

Commando (Photo credit: scottnj)

Have a great day and don’t forget to tip your waitress, or comment right here!

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50 Shades of…SERIOUSLY?????

OK, we all know what book I am talking about.  The TMI train has really taken off with this one.

I can never look at a silver tie again without thinking about the literary (and I use that term liberally..) work in question.

I just want to know how a normal, frumpy British journalist with two teenage boys and a husband even THINKS about putting this into print. I mean, seriously.

Did she just wake up one day and say “I am going to write a book about sexual domination, research it on the internet, and then put it in print for my girlfriends to read” ? Do you Google ‘sexual domination information and techniques’  and then copy and paste the info?  I once googled ‘reverse cowboy position’ after a girlfriend talked about it after a few shots of tequila and holy crap, was I naive…..and I am hard to shock.

So a coupla weeks ago I downloaded it onto my Kindle. After prodding from both of my younger sisters who devoured all three books in a few days. And I got to page 256, and actually got bored. Yes, BORED! It is a ton of descriptive sex.  A TON.  And it keeps going on and on and on. I must be getting old to be tired of reading all these scenes over and over.

And I haven’t finished it. Yet. The ONLY reason I am going to finish it is to find out what in the female character’s right mind is she doing with this guy? And well, all that contract nonsense.  I guess you can find one of THOSE on Google too.

They have countless stacks of the paperback in Costco.  And, on Senior Day you can get a discount.

One of my coworkers said that it is really a love story. Seriously.

My sister, when she bought it at Books A Million asked the check out girl-“Is this good?” She replied, “Well, you are the only one so far that has bought it with the cover up.  Get a cigarette and a glass of wine before you start it.” Seriously.

Another one of my gal pals commented on Facebook that it has spiced up her marriage. Seriously. On Facebook.

My marriage does not need spicing up.  Just more income and a live in cleaning lady. Foreplay in my house is when he unloads the dishwasher. Seriously.

I have been a horse owner for over 20 years and have all kinds of things like crops, spurs, chaps, lunge whips, etc. and have never thought to use them in any other arena except for the one at the barn.  And getting my horse going on a 90 degree day.  Wow, I had no idea I could re-purpose these things in my personal life.

I applaud the author for her research.  And putting it in print.  And  not seeking world domination when she wrote it.  But she did.  Seriously.