WTF Wednesday – Our Pagans use Golf Carts…

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Year 2 of Dumbo …

Trick or Beer!!

What happens when you take your wee halloweenies out for Trick or Treat on Halloween in my oh so privileged hood?

You dress the pagans up, gather their props and load them in to your golf cart.

Yes folks, GOD FORBID They WALK to their friends and neighbor’s homes to get candy. That they don’t need. And don’t forget the beer for Dad who stands at the bottom of your driveway waiting on the prodigies.

Ok, ok, being a little snarky here.

But come on, golf carts? Little trailers attached to ATV’s. Luxury SUV’s loaded with sugar deprived future tennis stars.

What ever happened to walking UP a long street and ringing a doorbell? Then walking back down and walking UP to the next one? Do we not want little Britney, future pro-bono lawyer to break a sweat in that skanky cheer outfit?

Atlanta is hilly. It rests at the foot of the Blue Ridge mountains. You would be hard-pressed to find a truly level lot and street here, especially in the north end of the city’s suburbs. But after we moved in this area – that of the gated neighborhoods, the nazi HOA’s, swim team moms and tennis fanatics, I have found that our kids today have a tough time negotiating these hills on Halloween.

Hmmm, they don’t seem to have a problem with the hills when toilet papering your home. Or ringing your doorbell then ditching. Or forking and skittling your yard.

And the teens that show up in NO costume.  It’s an Almond Joy for you Dude!  And you’d better say thank you.

This IS the South you know.

I know of some that even gather in their cul de sacs or at the end of their driveways to give out candy.  Makes it easier for the kiddies.

Me?

Walk up my driveway you little mutherf#^!kers!!!!!

I bet I get papered. . .

Happy Halloween!

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Why I LOVE My Friends-Or A Vagina & A Glue Gun…..

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The world’s largest festival of nerds was held in Atlanta this weekend and I was planning on going with my buddies to photograph freaks and such.  I asked on Facebook on Friday (during the cocktail hour, of course) what should I wear to the event.  This is the convo that followed (barely edited for effect):

Susan:  I don’t know I was kinda hoping you’d pull out the vajayjay costume! Damn I wish I was closer I’d go with you!
Me:  I’d kill for one of those right about now….
Brent : ‎>palm plant<
Susan : Don’t you just know they’ll be available at a Halloween store near you real soon! Wonder how long it takes that crate to arrive from China!
Gail :Go as Honey VaJayJay and wear the crown as part of the outfit
Me:  OMG Gail  this is better than happy hour!
Gail:   Be the princess of Vag
Susan:   Hahaha Gail I love you! Hey MAP can you bring her with you next month???
Gail:   Make sure to spray some dust on the costume since you are Princess of Vag of  A Certain Age
Me:   That’s QUEEN of Vaj to all of you peasants
Brent:  make it spray glitter
Gail:   Can I join your royal court….We can call ourselves the Mad Vagjers
Susan:   Ew snap! She told us! Lol
Me:   Just you people wait……
Brent:   that’s it.. i’m refraining… I am on hold with my therapist
Susan:   Oh God you know the gauntlet has just been accepted! This is going to be monumental!
Me:   We can be the HAPPY HOO HAAASSS!
Brent:  LOOK.. they are on sale… 2 for the price of one…(link to one on sale on Amazon, for god’s sake)
Brent:   and look.. you can follow by have an chasing inflatable penis costume…(another Amazon link)
Susan:   OMG the crate from China got here quicker than a letter to Atlanta!
Brent:   nope.. that’s not gonna work.. stay on track.. were talking about vajayjay costumes.. not the usps..
Me:   OMG–me and BC-we can go as a COUPLE!! On Halloween–how sweet–Look Mary we found our costumes!
Susan:  Still the furry vajayjay in MAP’s blog is better. More three dimensional.
Me:   Well I can buy a coupla pink boas to glue around the edges….
Me:   And I think BC should go as the vag and I should go as the penis…just saying…
Susan:  Nothing like a woman with a glue gun!
Brent:   OMG..you could go as Abbey and Britney….
Me:   ‎Brent  you are a sick sick dude…It’s why we are friends…..
Brent :   ‎**innocent…** and see i was going to make a string comment but i thought that would be over the top.
Susan :   I need friends like yours in my life!
Me:  Just created a new blog-The Happy Hoo Haas and it will be launched soon!
Gail:  Make sure your vag is v-jazzled for Halloween…get out your glue gun
Gail:   If you’re happy and you know clap your…..oh never mind!
Delph :  Just wear your synchronized swimming outfit!
Gail:  Happy Hoo Haas theme song….’Our Lips Are Sealed’ by the GoGo’s