I broke down and bought my first pair of real cowboy boots this weekend. Mainly because they were really cute. Mainly because they were a mens size which, for my fat feet, works way better. Mainly because they were termed ‘vintage’, which you know, is a widely used term for just about any thing these days when you don’t want to say the word OLD.
As many of you know, I am an antique and flea market slut and I found, through a neighbor, and our connection to a certain giant bird named Darwin that she was afraid to kill in our hood for turning her koi in her pond into sushi, a partner in insanity, named hereafter as Bootsie. We had a large booth this weekend in a local antique show for three days and sold lots of fun stuff. The big hit seemed to be the vintage cowboy boots that she had collected over time. I felt like we were becoming the Boot Depot or something. Not a person walked by without picking up, touching, trying on , or commenting on the boots. I was like, “Whats up with that?? Whodathunk??
Bootsie went into full on Buster Brown shoe store salesperson mode. If she could fit you, you probably owned a pair in under 15 minutes. And maybe a fun tacky holiday sweater for yucks this season. We had a blast. And, I bought a pair.
You see, with becoming mid-century modern, you also start becoming mid-century frumpy. And while a couple of days of that is okay, EVERY day is NOT. Big Momma would not let me out of the house ‘looking like that’ when I was a teenager. It should be the same now, right?
Elastic waistbands should stay within the confines of your home. The same with kitten sweatshirts. Every now and then a trip to the store is okay, in off hours. You know when you go into your local grocery in makeup and the cashiers, who are your best friends, do not recognize you, there is a problem.
Sometimes a purchase can inspire you to become better. To change, to be happy, excited for your future. At least that’s what I tell BC. Seriously, these boots are made for walkin’. And looking really hot with a great pair of boot cut jeans and a long tie died top (this hides my ‘situation’ – you know, the muffin that ate New Jersey?). They make me feel pretty smexy. And anything to be hot and not be sweating at the same time is good for me.
In reality, fixing myself up just a little bit is not hard. I’ve just become lazy. When I commented on a pair another somewhat frumpy mid-century gal was putting on (black snake skin), that they made her look hot, and she could really ‘kick some ass in those”, her hubs looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and nodded.
You see ladies, they still want us to look good. Every now and then. Men are inherently visual. Why is porn the number one search on Google? Duh.
They need to see it to get it. All of our metaphors and hints and hidden meaning comments go right over their heads. If I make a written list for the hubs, it gets done. If I telepathically think I want him to do something, I assure you, it will not happen. Get over it ladies. It should not take you until you reach my age to figure this out like I did.
Some of you may think this is old school. But I truly believe since from the beginning of time most men have not changed a whole bunch.
And NEVER ask them how anything looks. Just go with it in confidence.
Remember, always ask for forgiveness, not permission.
So maybe this ass makes my new boots look fat. But I know better than to ask.