One Tequila, Two Tequila……….

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It’s National Tequila Day!

It’s time to enjoy the liquor that is made from the agave cactus and native to Mexico. Tequila was first produced in the 16th century when Spanish conquistadors in Mexico ran out of the brandy they brought with them and started to distill the agave to make a new sort of liquor. Looks like tequila’s always been the go-to beverage to keep the party going.

OMG-ran out of BRANDY???????????? So I think the conquistador’s were a bunch of 18 year old dudes who were desperate for a drink and looked at that cactus and thought, “Hmmm, what if we boil this thing down and drink this agave crap–it’s sweet and it will help us rape and pillage villages whilst drunk!”

And the worm.  Where did that little thing come from.  You know, only good tequila has a worm in the bottom of the bottle.  Legend has it if you finish the bottle you are supposed to eat the worm.  Good luck with that.  Since it has been soaking in tequila for some time I think it makes you dance really funny, wear your bra or jockeys on your head, and quote Shakespeare.  Just sayin…

The only way to drink tequila is to put it in a shot glass and down it really quick. And chase it with a beer or something else like, I don’t know, a B52? Has milk in that one. I know my shots.

Have you tried an upside down margarita? If you have, I commend you. If not, it goes kid of like this–lie back on the bar with your face up, open your mouth, have studly bartender mix tequila, triple sec and margarita mix in your mouth, then you stand up really quick and drink it really fast. Yep, you will be naked and singing with the band in no time.

This is a required graduation test for most college kids…..Then go get a tattoo-tell them the mermaid sent you!

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Do Mermaids Tweet?

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Since we are on the topic of social media I thought I would explain how each site works in relation to the Forever 51 reader. Lots of you out there are social media noobs and want to know how each of them work, and how they relate to your everyday life.

Facebook: I am having a mid-life crises and announcing it to all my friends here. Here is a picture of me in a bikini on a beach (or my feet on a beach-which I will never know why you post these), and I eat lettuce and power bars all day long and drink vodka because it has no carbs. And my kids have blocked me on all of their SM sites.

Twitter: I am in a Victoria’s Secret suit on a beach with a douche I met on Match.com and you’re not– but he has money. I am also here to stalk my teenager. Add link to Instagram pic of you and new BF on remote beach in Mexico. NOTE: a great place for the insecure to follow celebs like the Kardashians or Charlie Sheen in the hopes that they may re-tweet you, or for your teen to stalk the Beibs….

Pinterest: I just recently pinned a photo of a great recipe on Pinterest that I will never cook. I am also pinning–although it should be called pining— items here for my daughter’s dream wedding. In 7 years..And a pic of a craft that I am going to create in all my spare time…..

LinkedIn: I am here to brag about my enhanced resume and meet men. And I am looking for a part-time job that pays over $50K.

Instagram: A place where you post pictures taken (preferably) with your cellphone of your travels, your animals, your food. There are lots of pics of food, wine and cocktails on Instagram–WARNING don’t open this app if you are remotely hungry. Oh and the number one place for female teens to post duck face photos of themselves. Yay.

Tumblr: Photo blogging site for hipsters-don’t even try it, unless, of course, you are angst-ridden, smoke weed (you STILL smoke weed? How 80’s) have a tattoo, or are a late blooming hippie. Here is something important you need to know about Tumblr–most, if not all, of your teenage daughters are on it. They use it like a diary. I approve stalking this site……

I hope this has clarified these sites for you mermaids and mermen. Feel free to comment or ask questions. The SM mermaid is in da house!