I am here to tell you now–I am neither a Democrat or a Republican.
I am a member of THE COCKTAIL PARTY.
This fall, I am going to dread all the right and left-wing postings going on. BC is right in there as well, spouting off on his über conservative/libertarian ideas. I am pretty much an independent and ignore such drivel. It’s how we have stayed married for 24 years.
As you may have guessed, dear readers, I am all over the place. Can’t pick a side. So when I go into the voting booth in November it will be a pleasure to pick WHOEVER THE FUCK I want to. And not tell anyone. It’s personal, dammit.
Being a member of The Cocktail Party has its perks.
- Make sure some kind of cocktail is in your hand by 6 pm. It can be a virgin cocktail but this does not include full membership perks.
- Members of the cocktail party have to have a perk card at their cocktail store (mine’s a 10% discount BOOM!)
- Members of the Cocktail Party can NOT post on any social media about the current election unless it involves said candidates with a cocktail in their hands (good luck with that)
- Members of the Cocktail Party will pledge to have at least 1 cocktail a night.
- Members of the CP can take Sundays off if and only if they have been to a church of some sort that morning. Or puked in the bathroom all night.
- Members of the CP must have locks on their cocktail cabinets for both toddlers and teens.
- Members of the CP have to know how to tap a keg with one hand with a cigarette or beer in the other in under 30 seconds. There will be a test.
- Members of the CP must enjoy reality TV. That does not include political reality TV. Extra perks for membership in the Honey Boo Boo fan club.
- Members of the CP must drink every time Mitt Romney pimps out his wife on camera.
- Members of the CP must drink every time Michelle Obama wears a sleeveless shirt or dress on camera.
- Members of the CP must drink every time VP Joe Biden mentions chains.
- Members of the CP must drink every time Paul Ryan mentions his abs.
- Members of the CP must drink every time Hilary Clinton wears a headband on camera.
- Members must drink every time NJ Governor Christie eats a pizza. A whole one.
- Members must drink every time Shepherd Smith on Fox News wears makeup.
- Members must drink every time a Republican has sex in the missionary position.
- Members must drink every time a Democrat maxes out their credit card.
By now, you should be feeling pretty warm and fuzzy inside. Welcome to The Mermaid’s Cocktail Party.
Join below by commenting right down thar on my blog.
And remember, tip your waitress and call a cab.