Join NOW-The Mermaid’s Cocktail Party!

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I am here to tell you now–I am neither a Democrat or a Republican.

I am a member of THE COCKTAIL PARTY.

This fall, I am going to dread all the right and left-wing postings going on. BC is right in there as well, spouting off on his über conservative/libertarian ideas. I am pretty much an independent and ignore such drivel. It’s how we have stayed married for 24 years.

As you may have guessed, dear readers, I am all over the place. Can’t pick a side. So when I go into the voting booth in November it will be a  pleasure to pick WHOEVER THE FUCK I want to. And not tell anyone. It’s personal, dammit.

Being a member of The Cocktail Party has its perks.

  • Make sure some kind of cocktail is in your hand by 6 pm. It can be a virgin cocktail but this does not include full membership perks.
  • Members of the cocktail party have to have a perk card at their cocktail store (mine’s a 10% discount BOOM!)
  • Members of the Cocktail Party can NOT post on any social media about the current election unless it involves said candidates with a cocktail in their hands (good luck with that)
  • Members of the Cocktail Party will pledge to have at least 1 cocktail a night.
  • Members of the CP can take Sundays off if and only if they have been to a church of some sort that morning. Or puked in the bathroom all night.
  • Members of the CP must have locks on their cocktail cabinets for both toddlers and teens.
  • Members of the CP have to know how to tap a keg with one hand with a cigarette or beer in the other in under 30 seconds.  There will be a test.
  • Members of the CP must enjoy reality TV.  That does not include political reality TV.  Extra perks for membership in the Honey Boo Boo fan club.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time Mitt Romney pimps out his wife on camera.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time Michelle Obama wears a sleeveless shirt or dress on camera.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time VP Joe Biden mentions chains.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time Paul Ryan mentions his abs.
  • Members of the CP must drink every time Hilary Clinton wears a headband on camera.
  • Members must drink every time NJ Governor Christie eats a pizza.  A whole one.
  • Members must drink every time Shepherd Smith on Fox News wears makeup.
  • Members must drink every time a Republican has sex in the missionary position.
  • Members must drink every time a Democrat maxes out their credit card.

By now, you should be feeling pretty warm and fuzzy inside.  Welcome to The Mermaid’s Cocktail Party. 

Join below by commenting right down thar on my blog.

And remember, tip your waitress and call a cab.

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You Are NOT An Expert on Fine China!

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Silver table setting of the siblings Carl and ...

Silver table setting of the siblings Carl and Anna Reiss. C. 1,000 pieces by various German manufacturers, made after 1888. Gallery: Zeughaus, Reiss-Engelhorn-Museen, Mannheim. ‪Norsk (bokmål)‬: Sølvtøy, kuvert (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

If you jerkfaces don’t stop talking about it-I promise-I will NEVER invite you over to dinner at my house.

Nope-keep your dirty little doctrine off my Fine China.

Thank you very much.

Because if you can not behave at my dinner party, or at my girlfriends dinner parties, they won’t lay out their fine china for YOU either.
Everyone (that have manners..) knows that you do not discuss politics or religion at a dinner party.  But you ELEPHANTS  insist on coming to our dinner parties all ready to be an expert on our fine china.

Do you have any idea on what it takes to A) Care for our Fine China, B)Watch over it so no one ruins it, C)Keep it from breaking, D)Earn enough to pay for 10 place settings? Every Month?

The minute you can tell us the difference between gold rimmed and sterling rimmed china, the history of the fine china at my particular table, the specifics of the table setting,  the reason WHY we take such interest and care of our china, the difference between American, French, German, and English china and what it is made of, then MAYBE we can discuss.

Well, let me tell you folks-us girls KNOW our fine china.  We make sure is it sparkling clean (in most cases), it all matches, and it works fabulously with our sterling silver and Waterford crystal. We want to make sure that when you enter our dining room, you will Oooh and AAaahh over our table setting and how great our fine china looks.

That’s it, then go ahead and enjoy your meal and write me a thank you note.  I would have to say most of my voter ready dinner gals with fabulous fine china would agree.