I am really starting to worry about myself. So has 16. She told me the other day in all seriousness, “Mom, I need to tell you something, (uh oh, I’m thinking it’s way to early for me to be a grandma..). Mom, you need to go see Alli (my PA) and get some ADD medication.”
Duh. With the onset of the Menopause Zombie, the lack of estrogen, and all the other fun stuff that goes with aging, I am more ADD than I have ever been before. Living with a child with this condition has helped me recognize that I probably have always had it and that now, it has become worse.
The great thing about this is that it helps creative people be more creative, helps funny people be more funny, helps salespeople be better sales people. But once you recognize that this is what’s happening, it’s like herding cats in your brain and that’s not so easy.
I try to keep my day structured, but I hate rules and have a hard time relying on my list (WHAT list? I’ll get to that later). My typical day looks like this:
Today I am going to get 4 loads of laundry done. And make a casserole for dinner. And get those signs to that house I have for sale.
Get 16 Up
Beg her to get up
Yell at her to get out of bed in 5 minutes
Watch Al on the Today Show
Look at clock on microwave
Oh SHIT!! We only have 5 minutes to get out the door
Let the dogs out to pee in the backyard-OH LOOK there’s a bluebird on the rail, get my camera
Search house for camera
Crap–dead battery no picture
Oh right, drive 16 to school
On way to school have fender bender with maintenance truck
Oh, yes, Ms. Police Lady-I understand what ‘following too closely means, I’ve done it 3 times in the last 5 years, just ask my insurance company’.
Drop 16 at school 1 hour late-this ones on me
Oh, you know, I am near the shoe store
Go to shoe store
Walk aimlessly around
Look-they have UGGS, try a pair on. Makes me look fat. Forget it.
Get back in car. Squirrel!
Oh, I’m near the thrift store!
Go to thrift store, buy tacky Christmas sweaters for photo shoots, vintage T Shirts for 16
Thirsty-I need a diet coke. Oh look-a shiny sign-must take picture of that to put on Instagram!
Drive thru Krystal at 11:30
Get 2 cheese Krystals and diet drink
That’s right-I am near the furniture outlet–need to drop by there!
Run in to neighbor at furniture store. Chitty chat for about 30 minutes
Crap-I’m gonna be late to get 16
Look at those flowers in that parking lot-you know, I need to get some for the front yard-I need more butterflies
Buy flat of flowers. Lookie! Those little gnomes are sooooooooo cute.
Get 16, late. Unhappy 16. Wants consolation of hamburger and fries.
Go to another drive thru-get another diet coke for me
Get home. Tired. Park fanny on couch during Ellen Show and get on iPad.
Catch up on Facebook, twitter and blogs. Open up 20 screens on iPad. Crash Ipad. Now, where was I????
Let dogs outside. You know-we need to clip those bushes by the back door. Nah, do it this weekend.
Crap-it’s 5 o’clock-what are we going to do for dinner?
Oh yea, casserole-not happening-chicken is still frozen. Ugh. Check mail outside. Neat! I get free Victoria’s Secret Underwear.
Run to grocery. Run into another neighbor. Chat more. Forgot list. Dinner = frozen pizza.
WINE-we are out of WINEEEEE-go back to grocery. Get bottle of wine, bag of salad. Oooh look! Pumpkins!
Put pizza in oven. Try to remember what I forgot to do today. Get glass of wine
Next morning-I am out of underwear.
OH JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH – I need to do laundry!
Now I am making lists again. In a cute notebook. Of which I have 10 half filled all around my house with lists.
I think it’s time for Adderall.