I’ve Ruined Facebook

Congratulations mom’s, dads, and elderly family members-we finally found something we can keep the teens off of. FACEBOOK.

We WIN!!!! We ROCK!!!! We have found something we can ruin for teenagers–pray the rosary!

According to an article in today’s Huffington Post, analysts are saying that PARENTs are ruining FB and driving the stock price down because they are ON it.
So, in addition to all the other things we feel guilty about while raising them, we have apparently single handedly trashed the fortunes of Mark Zuckerburg, et al because we are on the site.
Gee, wasn’t I the one they wanted on this site?
Wasn’t it the 24-49 demographic with the money they were shooting for?
Since when did teens have all the power?
Oh, I forgot-they rule the world….not only are we to blame for all of their current and future problems-we are now to blame for the demise of Facebook.
Thanks, I needed that–one more thing I can talk about in therapy.
I joined FB in 2007 after I heard about it at a real estate conference. It was going to be the next new thing-that’s also when I joined Twitter. I didn’t mess with FB much for a year or so, and really didn’t understand Twitter. Then, starting about 2009 I started seeing old friends and business associates connecting with me and it started to become really fun.
When 16 was 13, she asked for an account and I set her up–I understood privacy settings and such by then and also the rule that she could not be on it unless I was her friend.

All her friends friended me.  HA – I now knew about almost every detail of their sordid little lives.   And then she blocked me.  She understood the privacy settings too, and so did her friends. And I started ignoring them because of all the stupid photos they were posting of them with their duck faces, shooting the bird, memes, relationship statuses (hell, they can’t even spell that word much less understand what it means) etc.  Then some bullying started and the cool mom (me) became the pissed off cool mom and printed some of this stuff out.  And kept it. And as they got into high school they started dropping off Facebook and found more places to go.

So now they are on Twitter. And Reddit.  And Instagram.  Remember it is the inherent ADD of a teen in social media that FB has not kept up with.  NOT ME!!

So don’t blame me and my great friends on FB, sucky investors.  You overpaid for a site that you don’t understand.

And I hope I can be the next person to invent a social site that teens will use for like, 15 minutes and move on…..

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Do Mermaids Tweet?

2

Since we are on the topic of social media I thought I would explain how each site works in relation to the Forever 51 reader. Lots of you out there are social media noobs and want to know how each of them work, and how they relate to your everyday life.

Facebook: I am having a mid-life crises and announcing it to all my friends here. Here is a picture of me in a bikini on a beach (or my feet on a beach-which I will never know why you post these), and I eat lettuce and power bars all day long and drink vodka because it has no carbs. And my kids have blocked me on all of their SM sites.

Twitter: I am in a Victoria’s Secret suit on a beach with a douche I met on Match.com and you’re not– but he has money. I am also here to stalk my teenager. Add link to Instagram pic of you and new BF on remote beach in Mexico. NOTE: a great place for the insecure to follow celebs like the Kardashians or Charlie Sheen in the hopes that they may re-tweet you, or for your teen to stalk the Beibs….

Pinterest: I just recently pinned a photo of a great recipe on Pinterest that I will never cook. I am also pinning–although it should be called pining— items here for my daughter’s dream wedding. In 7 years..And a pic of a craft that I am going to create in all my spare time…..

LinkedIn: I am here to brag about my enhanced resume and meet men. And I am looking for a part-time job that pays over $50K.

Instagram: A place where you post pictures taken (preferably) with your cellphone of your travels, your animals, your food. There are lots of pics of food, wine and cocktails on Instagram–WARNING don’t open this app if you are remotely hungry. Oh and the number one place for female teens to post duck face photos of themselves. Yay.

Tumblr: Photo blogging site for hipsters-don’t even try it, unless, of course, you are angst-ridden, smoke weed (you STILL smoke weed? How 80’s) have a tattoo, or are a late blooming hippie. Here is something important you need to know about Tumblr–most, if not all, of your teenage daughters are on it. They use it like a diary. I approve stalking this site……

I hope this has clarified these sites for you mermaids and mermen. Feel free to comment or ask questions. The SM mermaid is in da house!