Crossing the mid century milestone is a very liberating experience. It’s what you make of it that counts. I’ve always been a bit outspoken, some say that my filter doesn’t work on a full time basis. But you get what you get with me. This list is one I’ve made that best describes me and my madness herein…..
1. If I had it my way I would be on 10 acres with not only my dogs, cat, horses and fish, but goats, chickens, a Jesus Donkey and a Llama named Obama.
2. I hate being cold. But I like cold weather clothing. Which makes a hot flash in cold weather welcome. My own personal summer.
4. Other than my family, close friendships are what sustains me.
5. I tend to be on the verge of crazy but I wouldn’t have it any other way.
6. I can spot a fake Louis Vuitton purse in under 10 seconds..pathetic….
7. I have found that if you are doing the ‘big wiggle’ after the age of 50, get a good chiropractor.
8. My husband is my wing man. When I start looking for a cigarette at a party, he knows it’s time to get me outta there.
9. When, not if, I win the lottery I too, will still work, but I will have great shoes, a great purse and boobs that point north and not south. And no double chin.
10. I am still mad at my younger sister for making the cheerleading squad when I didn’t and oh, for being invited to my prom before me. And being homecoming queen. Therapy helps.
11. I want to be on The Amazing Race with my teenager. I am going to make her do all the gross eating stunts. Because her eating habits make me crazy at home.
12. I do not tolerate lying in any way, shape or form. Especially about your dress size…….
13. Your teenager does not want you to dress like a teenager. So just because you had a face lift, Brazilian butt lift, boob lift or other procedure, wearing clothes designed for juniors and looking like a MILF will really piss them off. I know, her friends tell me this. Women over 50 should not have a belly button piercing. This is because I will never see a flat stomach again, and I can’t afford a tummy tuck because 16 spends all MY money on her horse and her hair products..
14. I had more fun in college than any white girl should have had.
15. I love German cars. It’s the only time I can be fast without ruining my reputation.
16. I fill the dishwasher randomly just to piss my husband off.
17. I love red wine. God is good.
18. I flashed REM in 1983. I don’t think they saw me.
19. In 1984 I flew all the way to LA for a blind date. That was a five day blind date that lasted 4 days and 23 hours too long.
20. I was brought up Catholic. Which is another reason I am in therapy.
21. I think Dubstep is from aliens.
22. If you want to relive high school again as an adult, just join a ladies tennis team or the PTA.
23. I used to laugh at the KY commercials. Enough said.
24. I still get my news from the newspaper. I love coffee and the Sunday paper more than church. Nobody better screw with me on a Sunday morning.
25. Mermaids are real. They just don’t have the luxury of buying great shoes….