Things I Don’t Miss About Having a Little Kid

8

Yes, I miss the days when 16 was a munchkin. That smile, that bowl cut, that happiness.

And now that she is a teenager, or as I call it, whine-ager, there are some things I do NOT miss about those little kiddle days:

You’d better get one of these…

1. Halloween – yep-I still decorate, but not to the over achieving style I did when she was little. And I am VERY happy that we do not get Boo’ed anymore. For those of you that have not experienced it-you receive an anonymous paper ghost on your door and a bucket of candy. Then, you have to go anonymously Boo someone else. With a new bucket of candy. And if you do NOT get Boo’ed with a little kid, and they see the neighbor doors with ghosts on them, you have to Boo yourself. Because the mean moms were not so happy about your comment at the last Bunko. . .Just like high school. Bitches…

2. Halloween Costumes. Nowadays most of the girls look like they are out of ‘tramps r us’ and all the boy costumes involve some kind of creature who kills or maims. What ever happened to that home-made ghost costume-you know, a sheet with two holes cut in it for eyes? Wow, have we really complicated this or what?

3. Santa – yep-it’s over. And I admit that was a sad moment when I found out she found out. But our encounters with the mall Santa’s were never happy. The waiting in line alone was tortuous and the questions, over and over, about how come there are so many Santa’s in malls, is this the real one? Was exhausting. And the whole hiding that shit until the big day. And waiting to make SURE she was asleep before we put together the Barbie Airplane. One Christmas Eve, we got so drunk with our neighbors we forgot to put the stuff out. Thank the good lord she is a late sleeper. And putting all that stuff out at 5 am still drunk from the nite before was awful. That was a hangover only 5 Guys, not a turkey, could cure.

4. AMF (adios muthafuckah) Room MOMs! No mom nazi’s in high school. But, there are band mom nazi’s, football mom nazi’s, cheer mom nazi’s, you get my drift. But by this time, NO is a big part of your vernacular. At least it is in mine.

5. Birthday parties–no more scrambling to find a redneck with a jumpy thing to put in your driveway all day. No THEME parties-we had a Princess Barbie party once. I hired this gal that came dressed as Princess Barbie for the 5 year olds and they loved it. So did my husband…I once went to a birthday party for a 7-year-old who got over 70 gifts.  That’s right, 70.  In a pile in her back yard.  It was gross and disgusting.  And, how do you explain that to your 7-year-old?  Nowadays, at 16 they get cars.  The only thing that I am thankful for with this bad economy is that lots of kids are driving ‘beaters’ again and are glad to have them.

Pilot Ken & Barbie ..

6. Play Dates – Thank god I had a couple of awesome girlfriends with same age kids. Never had to suffer through a blind play date. Occasionally we had a pre-school friend over-you know, the ‘Eddie Haskell’ Playdate? The one where the other kid is constantly ratting yours out to you? Teenagers do not invite THAT kid over anymore.  Because they are smart. And WANT to get away with stuff…

7. Parent-Teacher Conferences.  Yes, you do have them in high school in sometimes.  Especially if your kid is under-achieving-then it’s usually with the counselor (don’t even get me started).  In elementary and middle school, I always felt like it was ME that they were talking about.  If you took a look at both me and BC’s report cards from our school days, you would see this comment quite a bit,  “she/he spends time day dreaming and visiting with friends.  If he/she would just focus on the work, they could be such a better student.”  Yep, my kid is doomed.  She received a double dose of the ‘daydreamer’ gene from us.

8.  Extremely dehumanizing early bus times in elementary school.  Who decided that a 5-year-old catching a bus at 6:50AM for kindergarten was a good idea?  I don’t know what it’s like in your area, but after the first week, a then 5 asked me, “why do we have to do this every day?”  Ummm, she’s still asking me that same question at 16.

9. Children’s TV.  Enough said.

10.  Dismal Disney Worldwith a toddler.  You know what? Disney is much better WITHOUT the kids.  Those ads are true.

2 HOURS for 1 MINUTE – kill me now…

What do you NOT miss-let me know!

Advertisements

Toddlers and Teenagers……

4
asher and jared dancing as little toddlers

asher and jared dancing as little toddlers (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Everyone loves lists–but they can be annoying. Sometimes they are there because of writer’s block. Sometimes they are there for fun. Mine is so you will have a great start to your weekend –LOL

So here are MY  TOP REASONS Toddlers and Teenagers are so alike:

They are hard to get to sleep at night–AGAIN

Toddlers have tantrums because they don’t get something they want. Teenagers have tantrums because they don’t want what they get……..

Toddlers love to put things in their mouths. You are trying to constantly keep things out of Teenager’s mouths, like cigarettes, beer bottles, shot glasses, weed, and body parts

Toddlers have lovies like blankets, pacifiers, stuffed toys. Teenagers still need them.  Enough said-so you’d better not tease them or I’ll come and kick your ass.

Toddlers love preschool. Teenagers are looking for ways to skip school.

Toddlers have cute battery operated cars. Teenagers want cars with 6 liter engines

Toddlers love to dress in cute clothes. Teenagers don’t want to look ‘cute’. They will dress in anything anti-cute like torn t shirts, short shorts with the pockets hanging out, FM pumps for the girls and slippers for the guys…

Toddlers love to snuggle with their mommas. Teenagers make you stop 100 yards away from the high school entrance to drop them off.

Toddlers eat with their hands.  Teenagers eat. And eat. And eat….especially if they are boys.

You have to install wacky locks on all your cabinets and doors to keep Toddlers safe.  You have to re-install these locks when they turn 13, as well as an extra one for the liquor cabinet.

Toddlers love to run around naked.  Teenagers like to watch other people run around naked on their computers…………

Toddlers love baths.  Teenagers have to be threatened to take showers, or pay half the water bill if they are girls.

Toddlers go to time out.  Teenagers go to jail.

Toddlers say embarrassing things in public when they are with you, and it’s hilarious.  Teenagers pray on a daily basis that YOU will not embarrass them in public.

But we will, it’s MY turn now……….And it’s gonna be hilarious!