I Almost Killed Deborah Norville for her Shoes….

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Photo by Julie DeNeen

Faizul drove me back to La Guardia today.  He is in his second year of physician’s assistant school at St. Johns in Queens and driving a cab to make extra money. We had a great conversation-the guy that picked me up yesterday could barely speak a word of English.  Yet Faizul, born in Bangladesh and living here for most of his 20 plus years, was a pleasure to meet and got me quickly out of NYC before a nor’easter crept in to further paralyze an already hurting tri-state area.  He’s what our country is all about.

I was in Manhattan along with some other fun bloggers I meet through Julie DeNeen to appear on Anderson Cooper Live and tweet about the show.  After I arrived at my hotel, Julie texted me and suggested we meet at Carmines on Broadway for dinner with Kelly of Realhousewife.org and Melanie of melbel.hubpages.com.

Even though I had not personally met these girls except for online as bloggers, it seemed like we had been friends for years-having drinks and calamari at Carmines and laughing about the trials and tribulations of being a writer and blogger.  Maybe one day I will be proposed to by a secret blog admirer, like Melanie…Jealous!

Today we gathered at 7am in the ACLive version of the green room for regular peeps. It was kinda green. And no champagne, or red M&M’s. We received our marching orders and signed over our first-born children and were assigned to live tweet during the show, in which our tweets would be on TV and on a huge screen in the studio (filter time lol).  We were going to be asked various questions about how the election was going in our blogging world but because of time restraints and content, they weren’t able to get to us.  Hey, that’s okay-I got my pic with my new BFF Deborah Norville and met the Obama Hugger Dude!

We were given some tips about being on camera:

1. Try not to touch your face or chat too much with your neighbor because the whole freekin place is miked and whatever you are say,everyone can hear

2. Take off coats, extra clothing etc.–the less clothing you have one, the thinner you look.  Except not naked. Not allowed.

3.  TV studios are freezing ass cold.  Hot flash? What hot flash? Hard to tweet when your hands are numb…

4. Deborah Norville had a sweet pair of Louboutins on, I almost tripped her and ran out the door with them.

5.  The young, un-jaded assistants are bright, cheery, helpful and fun.  And they all wear those Old Navy headsets.  I want one.

6. The show was done in real time-and went incredibly fast.  No bathroom breaks. Sooooo glad I only had one cup of coffee before it started…

Looking really interested in the show…thinking of shoes

7. Anderson Cooper is very personable. And in front of us ate some awesome looking cupcake during a commercial break.  And he is still skinny. Life isn’t fair.

8. They asked who would dance for an AC t-shirt, so, of course, I volunteered.  I did the sprinkler and the spastic chicken dance.  The girl who danced like she forgot her pole got the shirt. Bitch.

9.  @OneFunnyMotha can flat out tweet like a mad woman. Shes a mastertweeter…

Because of the weather, I raced to the airport and got out before they cancelled the rest of the flights.  I am still recovering from my whirlwind trip.

So glad the election is over, so sad I had to leave without photo-bombing Hoda and Kathi Lee.

Soon, people, very soon…

We are BFF’s now

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Watch Out ‘Merica – The Mermaid’s Gonna Be On TV!

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Oh, the power of twitter. And the power of that addiction.

I joined twitter in its infancy because, as a supposedly high-tech real estate agent, I was told to. I totally did NOT get it. And neither did a lot of other folks.

Since the time of its inception in 2005, millions of people have embraced the power of this little weird social media platform and have made money, met wonderful people and most of all, made cool new friends. I got back on twitter mainly to stalk my teenager a year ago.  Then I started blogging and met people who really engage and wanted to get to know me. Fancy that.

So it was through twitter that one of my peeps asked us if any of us mom bloggers lived near NYC. And of course, sensing an opportunity to meet new cool bloggers, a party, or perhaps, a starring role on One Life to Live, I replied – I live in Atlanta but I can fly for free!

So on Wednesday I am going to be on Anderson Cooper Live talking about the results of the election with an audience of other bloggers. It is in a town hall format. And I will have to bring the biggest filter I have because some of you really know me!

One of the producers sent me a questionnaire on my views (uh, oh) and needed a photo. And since I am an independent I will most likely be outed during this show. Uh oh again. Bring on the Xanax…

And it also got me thinking–I have been relatively quiet politically this election.  Mostly because it is mentally exhausting, dividing our country, and with my latent insecurities and tendency to want to make everybody like me, I just stay quiet.  I refuse to lose friends, customers and readers over who should be our leader.  I was a political science major in college. Mostly because I loved the department and the discussions over coffee and cigarettes that we had in the 80’s.  Prepared me to be a GREAT salesperson.  I even worked on the Carter campaign.  I interned for a Republican Senator my junior year in DC.  I met some really cool people.  But after 6 weeks in DC, I knew that track was NOT what I wanted to do when I grew up.

Shiny objects.  Anyway-if I do get asked a question, don’t hate me for my answer.

To me, this is not a one issue race. To a lot of others it is. And that is fine with me.  The one thing we really need to remember is that we CAN vote.

Signed autographs will be available Thursday.

OH OH I almost forgot-we will be able to post and live tweet during the show in the morning so follow me at @hellomap!

WTF is Twitter? A Guide for Big Haired Peeps

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Dear Universe-I want more friends (the online kind, not calling me on the phone about their tennis game friends..)Please send me Twitter followers because I want to be popular.   If I have to, I will create a pink mohawk like that NASA dude who went from 160 to 25K followers in ONE DAY because of the photo of him in a Mars landing article.

I get lots of questions about Twitter from my peeps in my age group.  You know, hip, fun, big hair, listen to Led Zep, Billy Joel, Boston, you know the drill.

I am finding that the folks in my demographic are either not on Twitter, dumb as snot, or lurkers on Twitter because most of my Twitter followers are younger than me….and hipper, and funnier, and geekier.

Because I am such a geek, I signed up back in 2007 when a buddy of mine in real estate and I started talking about this new cool thing. Plus, as a regular reader of trash mags like The Enquirer, Star, US, People, etc., it is a really fun place to find out gossip-especially about celebs, and you can follow them and it makes you feel like they are your friend. How pathetic is that?

WTF is it?  It a social network. Oh, great, not another one….BUT before you complain, the cool thing about it is that you can connect to all types of people thru the web that you would not ordinarily connect to on other platforms because there is no ‘friending’ and you can be whoever you want to be.  There are dogs and cats who tweet, there are specific twitter accounts for companies to communicate directly to their employees, there are accounts for events, all kids of uses.  It is basically a microblogging platform-you get 140 characters-which can really be the best thing about it. Can’t get too wordy on it. And you can unfollow  people who annoy you, and they don’t know it.  Even better, huh?

Twitter has also been a great place for breaking news. I usually find out about stuff before the TV and radio stations broadcast it. It was partially responsible for many important events like the riots in Iran, Egypt, watching Charlie Sheen disintegrate into Whoville, Kim K’s 20 second marriage, the Olympics and more. For a news hound like me it is nirvana!

And, besides most teenagers have migrated from Facebook to Twitter so you can anonymously stalk your kid there too.

So, how do you get on it?

First of all it’s FREE.  Yep-we all love free stuff so just go to Twitter and sign up.  You can make a really fun name for yourself, or if you are tweeting for business you may want to use your real name.

Then, fill out your profile and upload a picture-which can be just about anything-mine is the mermaid.  If you have no photo I will not follow–this is pretty much standard amongst tweeters–we like to know who we are chirping to.  Then start searching for peeps to follow.  You can do this by finding someone you work with on twitter in the search box, or finding their twitter handle (remember CB radios-breaker breaker 19…) on places like their business cards FB pages, and web pages.

Those number/hashtaggie thingies are basically search words.  When you put a hash tag in front of a word like #fart, you can go in the search box, type in FART and it will bring you all the tweets that mention fart.  I bet that is the first reason you will want to sign up, huh?

Oh, beware the kinky followers–Sometimes you get a notice in your email that you have a new follower.  YAY–I have a follower!! But, what is that a picture of, what is that???…Let me look at it sideways, ok, now I will click on it to make it bigger and HOLY CRAP IT’S A VAGINA!!!!!!!!!!! EEEWWWWWWWWWWWW! Seriously-this happened to me–so I immediately clicked on the link, and promptly blocked this person, thing, whatever.  I mean I don’t want some crazy vagina reading my twitter feed, THAT’s GROSS!!!!!

So, if you get some porny type people following you, you might want to block them unless you are in to that kind of stuff……

The MOST important thing about Twitter is to engage. Especially if you want followers.  Be parts of conversations, ask questions, reply and retweet others tweets.  You can meet some really cool people on there.

And laugh-some of my best laughs come from Jennifer Weiner, author of The Next Best Thing , who tweets her comments about the ABC series the #Bachelorette/Bachelor on Monday nites when it is on.  I follow her just to read these comments and howl at the show.

So come on chicks–get on and FOLLOW ME @hellomap

I’ve Ruined Facebook

Congratulations mom’s, dads, and elderly family members-we finally found something we can keep the teens off of. FACEBOOK.

We WIN!!!! We ROCK!!!! We have found something we can ruin for teenagers–pray the rosary!

According to an article in today’s Huffington Post, analysts are saying that PARENTs are ruining FB and driving the stock price down because they are ON it.
So, in addition to all the other things we feel guilty about while raising them, we have apparently single handedly trashed the fortunes of Mark Zuckerburg, et al because we are on the site.
Gee, wasn’t I the one they wanted on this site?
Wasn’t it the 24-49 demographic with the money they were shooting for?
Since when did teens have all the power?
Oh, I forgot-they rule the world….not only are we to blame for all of their current and future problems-we are now to blame for the demise of Facebook.
Thanks, I needed that–one more thing I can talk about in therapy.
I joined FB in 2007 after I heard about it at a real estate conference. It was going to be the next new thing-that’s also when I joined Twitter. I didn’t mess with FB much for a year or so, and really didn’t understand Twitter. Then, starting about 2009 I started seeing old friends and business associates connecting with me and it started to become really fun.
When 16 was 13, she asked for an account and I set her up–I understood privacy settings and such by then and also the rule that she could not be on it unless I was her friend.

All her friends friended me.  HA – I now knew about almost every detail of their sordid little lives.   And then she blocked me.  She understood the privacy settings too, and so did her friends. And I started ignoring them because of all the stupid photos they were posting of them with their duck faces, shooting the bird, memes, relationship statuses (hell, they can’t even spell that word much less understand what it means) etc.  Then some bullying started and the cool mom (me) became the pissed off cool mom and printed some of this stuff out.  And kept it. And as they got into high school they started dropping off Facebook and found more places to go.

So now they are on Twitter. And Reddit.  And Instagram.  Remember it is the inherent ADD of a teen in social media that FB has not kept up with.  NOT ME!!

So don’t blame me and my great friends on FB, sucky investors.  You overpaid for a site that you don’t understand.

And I hope I can be the next person to invent a social site that teens will use for like, 15 minutes and move on…..

Do Mermaids Tweet?

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Since we are on the topic of social media I thought I would explain how each site works in relation to the Forever 51 reader. Lots of you out there are social media noobs and want to know how each of them work, and how they relate to your everyday life.

Facebook: I am having a mid-life crises and announcing it to all my friends here. Here is a picture of me in a bikini on a beach (or my feet on a beach-which I will never know why you post these), and I eat lettuce and power bars all day long and drink vodka because it has no carbs. And my kids have blocked me on all of their SM sites.

Twitter: I am in a Victoria’s Secret suit on a beach with a douche I met on Match.com and you’re not– but he has money. I am also here to stalk my teenager. Add link to Instagram pic of you and new BF on remote beach in Mexico. NOTE: a great place for the insecure to follow celebs like the Kardashians or Charlie Sheen in the hopes that they may re-tweet you, or for your teen to stalk the Beibs….

Pinterest: I just recently pinned a photo of a great recipe on Pinterest that I will never cook. I am also pinning–although it should be called pining— items here for my daughter’s dream wedding. In 7 years..And a pic of a craft that I am going to create in all my spare time…..

LinkedIn: I am here to brag about my enhanced resume and meet men. And I am looking for a part-time job that pays over $50K.

Instagram: A place where you post pictures taken (preferably) with your cellphone of your travels, your animals, your food. There are lots of pics of food, wine and cocktails on Instagram–WARNING don’t open this app if you are remotely hungry. Oh and the number one place for female teens to post duck face photos of themselves. Yay.

Tumblr: Photo blogging site for hipsters-don’t even try it, unless, of course, you are angst-ridden, smoke weed (you STILL smoke weed? How 80’s) have a tattoo, or are a late blooming hippie. Here is something important you need to know about Tumblr–most, if not all, of your teenage daughters are on it. They use it like a diary. I approve stalking this site……

I hope this has clarified these sites for you mermaids and mermen. Feel free to comment or ask questions. The SM mermaid is in da house!