Taxidermy, Fur Coats, and Doll Heads-Welcome to My Sunday

Besides wine, antique and flea markets are my crack. So today BC was still sleeping in from his over nite from South America and 16 was of course dead to the world so I stole $10 from BC’s wallet and the check book and took off for the Scott Antique Market.

Because I really really really needed that cement cow statue. And the pink carousel pig from France (Ok, didn’t buy the pig-he was $750 and that would be instant divorce for me).

I am not alone in my quest for the funky and original–lots of other gals were there too, sneaking off with their Starbucks venti and just looking around. I used to be a small time dealer, until I figured out the only way to make money was go to auctions and garage sales, buy crappy furniture, and rehab and /or paint it. Way too much work for me. But I have become well versed in vintage and can spot something cool and unique and if it is not overpriced, I give it a new home. MINE!

So this is how my chicken and rooster addiction started. I love the colors, I love that they are soooo cuuuuttteee, and I bet I have at least 50 of them in my house–ceramic of course. If my neighborhood association would allow it I would have a small chicken coop with the real deal, but I think they would become quick snacks for my terriers.

Antique and flea markets are also generally a kid and teenage free zone. Which is another reason I go. The regular mall makes me want to blow my brains out. Flea markets can be like a nice valium and vodka. Take your time , pick shit up and look at it, and bargain with a dealer. Try that with a moody teen at Forever 21…

Wow-just too many to choose from..

Seems like the trend today is taxidermy.  I saw lots of it today.  WTF – yes ma’am, I would like that Zebra Head on my living room wall, thank you.  Or, how about that ginormous bull head-would look totally awesome over my master bed…..   There were also a couple of vintage fur coat dealers too.  I am happy to see that because nothing is better than showing up to a neighbor’s Christmas party in a fur coat–I am hoping that comes back in status because big momma has a nice floor length one I am stealing.

So dead animal trends are back. Oh, and baby doll heads in glass jars, with spiders on them. Plastic spiders–I kid you not.  They were $150  – I so wanted to get a picture but the gay tattooed dealer didn’t look friendly enough to ask. Which is whey he had baby doll heads in glass jars. With spiders on them……..

It’s obvious PETA is not showing up at these places.  They would be stroking all over the place.  So let’s just keep that a secret. OK?

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My Hormones > Her Hormones

If you think you want to wait to have a baby in your late 30s, think again.

I have a 16 year old daughter. I am 52. Do the math.

Her hormones and my hormones are constantly at war with each other. And poor BC is suffering right though it with the assistance of a bottle of scotch. (BTW, my husband will be hereafter referred to BC –ball and chain, get it?– from now on). Lucky him. I don’t think this is what he signed up for.

Oh, we were married 7 years before we even thought about kids. BC is an airline pilot so we enjoyed the benefits of that career all over the US and Europe. Our goal was to do it in as many states as we could including foreign countries. But, because he is constantly in fear of screwing up and losing his job, he will NOT join the mile high club with me. Says when he retires we will–oh yay-I was thinking in your 20s it would be way more fun. In our 60’s we could break a hip…..

So, at the age of 35, in my ‘i can have it all’ era-I had this wonderful little girl after 36 hours of labor and a C Section. That was the end of my perky boobs and flat stomach. And sleep. Though I didn’t know it yet.

And a band nerd having a hot teenager with clear skin, straight long hair and perky breasts is not a great combination. For me or for her.

So at 36 the fatigue was horrendous. She was not a great sleeper, and hated naps. At 16, she stays up until 3am, sleeps until 3pm, and when she is out with her friends she is in a car with other hormone filled, crap decision-making teens just like her.

The sleep deprivation is back.

I asked my younger sister, who is way so smarter than me and had her first at 24-who is now married and completely sane with a Masters and a hot doctor hubby–will this ever end? Am I always going to sleep with one eye open for the rest of my life?

And she said yes-you probably will. Because sane, insane, wild, nerdy, studious, funny, pretty, nerdy, or otherwise, they are your kid and you will always worry about them.

And just as she gets out of diapers, you will be back in diapers. At least you can now wear them under red-carpet ready dresses a la Lisa Rhinna.

But it so worth it. Just try to do this in your 20’s, Ok? Or early 30’s………….