Love Me, Love My Cheeseburger

I am really gonna do this.  I am going to order that mofo and feel damn good about it.

The anticipation is building. I’m not feeling so bad about this choice as I’m in the line behind a new Audi A7 with a nice looking gal behind the wheel with a great hairdo. She’s smoking a cig–even better….

We creep up the line until I pass her on my way to the other order box and wait my turn. I am feeling pretty good about this decision. Especially since there is the gal in the Audi and a gal in an Acura in front of me with no kids in their cars. We are sisters in crime.

I’m at the speaker-and she asks: “I can take your order now”

I say-“I’ll have a Number 2, LARGE with un-sweetened tea..”

She says, “First window please”…

I pull up and pass the Audi and the Acura and me and my BMW go to the window, pay my cash and I come away with a QUARTER POUNDER WITH CHEESE MEAL and I am HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!! And I eat that mutherfucker with a passion all its own. Down to the last fry. And not share half with my dogs.

I’d like the fried shrimp, please…..

 

Today is the beginning of the rest of my life. Fat or skinny or in-between I’m gonna be in BIG LOVE with myself.

Over this past weekend, I read some really inspirational, tear splashing, and personal blogs from outstanding women in the blogosphere that wrote about how they are going to love who they are and what they are going to do to  make it happen. Two blog sites that I recommend are GirlBodyPride and InthePowderRoom. These sites are inspirational, funny, outlandish (especially the powder room..) and uplifting. They were created by some of the finest women writers and bloggers out there today. And they gave me such a kick in the ass that I am joining that movement.

Every morning, when I get up and turn on my computer or phone and look at my email, the Body Police on the internet have been pretty busy because I get-no lie-about 6-10 emails a DAY early in the am from all those places out there like Weight Watchers, Prevention, Jenny Craig, Healthy Mom, NutriSystems,Wheat Belly and more.  How to this, how to that, holy fuck I am so confused it’s a wonder I am not in the women’s section yet (but I’m close). What a way to start your day.

At 52, and being overweight, I am also prime for heart attacks, diabetes, gout, knee problems, thinning hair, incontinence and more fun body dysfunction than you can imagine.  I KNOW there is a troll out there that took one look at the picture of me on FB and said–OK, we got another one-prime target–send her the emails of death!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I have found out the hard way that no amount of money in your wallet will fix all that stuff like fatness and unhealthiness, because it has to come from within.  That is the only way.

I am tired of the guilt.  I am tired of feeling bad about eating even one fucking french fry.  I am tired of the comments-you know, the IF ONLY YOU WOULD……

Once the guilt and self-doubt is thrown to the lions I truly think that great things can happen. Even my skinny bitch girlfriends complain about their size.  What has this come to, except for a ton of women of all sizes and shapes unhappy with themselves?  Great.

So yes, I am going to try and improve my health. And no, I am not going to feel guilty about that piece of birthday cake I ate that’s in my office kitchen.

Because if I go every day feeling guilty about something I did or did not eat I end up at a standstill and end up doing nothing good for myself.

Unfortunately, body and beauty perfection is the holy grail of women today.  And what should be the holy grail for women is to truly like ourselves. Warts and all.

Like the Weed and Braids Lady would say “Don’t worry, ’bout a thing, cause every little things, gonna be alright”….